Oh, I almost forgot.... A few weeks after she moved out (I'm not LEAVING you for another man! I'm leaving for ME.) she said "I thought I could stay and work on our marriage and maybe it would get better or maybe I'd still be unhappy in a year, OR I could be with someone NOW who makes me happy!"
But mind you, she says she didn't leave me for someone else! AND it's not an affair...
My H told me during a marriage counseling session that he now realized the importance of family and that he and OW would make sure that they took more time for family activities and that family was more important than work. Gee...I'm glad you figured that one out big boy. I'm sure our three children will appreciate you taking more time to be with her and her kids.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
I also got the line, "us getting divorced doesn't have anything to do with her".
I think that's one of the ones they're obligated to use. It's listed under the mandatory section in the 'Cheating WAS Guide'. Bless them though, I think they might actually believe it.
A few weeks before he also told me "when would I have time for an affair?" I guess he was able to rejiggle his schedule.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
Rockinnm, Good to see you venturing outside the thread. It's wonderful when you start to realize that all those hurtful remarks, that we took to heart, are the same crap that is being shovelled to everyone else in our sitch's. I've heard the "I love you like a friend", "I've never really been happy in this M" , "why didn't you say these things when it could have made a difference", etc. It's rather liberating to know that there is an affair mindset and often their ramblings have little to do with the reality at hand. Affairs must be legitimized and to do so the LBS must be made to take the brunt of the blame. Did you get "I've met my soulmate" that's an old favorite too! I started at one point to write these down, for laughs! Do I believe I was a perfect husband? NO. Do I dismiss her unhappiness? NO. Her feelings deserve respect. But I take these cliche remarks for what they are, cop-outs. I'm glad this thread is helping you in this terribly hard time.
"Our relationship's just run its course" "You deserve to be with someone who can make you happy" "I always had doubts about us" "Once we got enagaged the wedding preparations were impossible to stop" (We were engaged for 18 months and didn't start organising the wedding until about 10 months before it - I think he could have managed to say something in all that time if it was that bad.) "We're just not compatible" (Evidently we were compatible enough to get married just 18 months ago - something I pointed out to him and he had no asnwer for)
I'm ashamed to say I actually fell for all these when I first heard them. Thank God I know better now.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
Almost forgot this one! "I don't like the word "affair", it makes it sound so cheap" Guess what, that's cuz it is. How about this one "No one planned for this to happen" I guess an alien just sucked your brain out of your head and you were left with no choice but to act. Whew, thank God it wasn't deliberate!
I have another friend whose W left him for someone else. When she told him she was leaving, he said "I've just lost my whole world" She replied "That's OK, you'll find another one" !!!Now that's empathy.
