I am asking for alot here ,, I have read your responses to Emily and they are amazing. Maybe its unorthodox(sp) to ask but your wisdom regarding my situation would be so appreciated.. To make a long story short,H dropped bomb May 2, denied OW until I confronted him on Fathers day,,He tattoed her name on his chest! Since I confronted him and said basically I would let him go so he could be with her hes slowly come around,,,hes been home for three weeks straight. He stopped contact with her on @ July 5,, shes till tries to call occasionally.
WE get along great, ML every day,, he shows me lots of respect. A few weeks back , he had had a few drinks he said he was going to stay with me even told a friend... I dunno waht to think of his state of mind.. I am not a helpless victim here but would love your insight when and if you ever would have the time. Thank you and God Bless. My threads (2) in Newcomers, are Working towards a miracle, Fool in love and I have recently moved to seperated ,,, with thread title ---->Where am I going...
Sorry to hijack your thred here but you seem to be able to read between the lines. I can not express how much it would mean to me for you to give me this gift. God Bless you...
That's great that your husband is giving you the attention you deserve. I hope I get to that point someday.
This really does not answer your question, but something you may want to think about since the OW is still calling because if she is still in his life (even an occasional phone call) it will hurt your reconcilaiton.
I can tell you it is very tough to quit the OW. Not only do you miss the rush of being with but as you and I discussed in another thread OW are only concerned with their life and not the lives they are hurting. The OW will do anything to be in your husbands life.
She will try to be being nice, being mean, making herself look like the victim etc. She will not stop for a while. Your H just needs to break off ALL communication with her. Eventually she will find someone to make a trainwreck out of.
One thing you may want to do since you have already forgiven him is ask him to be honest with you about the battle he is facing letting go of the OW and stopping her advances. If he sees an ally in you, it will strengthen y'alls relationship and give him someone to lean on when he is feeling weak or frustrated.
As far as what else to do to make your marriage work or your situation, I cannot give any advice to that.
Got a new one today: "I wish I could believe you." - In response to me saying "no, I'm not" to her question of am I snooping. She stole MY line! (My response: "i do not feel it is incumbent upon me to ensure that you believe what i am saying")
I love this topic! Let's see how much I can remember...
1. ( Me packing up my belongings to return to my home country, preparing for shipping....H said I could take whatever i wanted ) After starting some of the packing H saw what I packed and said " How dare you not ask me what you are taking?". Me:" You said I could take whatever I wanted, and I'm barely taking anything...you'll be left with a whole house of furniture b/c I can't ship that." H:" You weren't suppose to take me literally!" Me: " Well then what...I'm not supposed to take you literally for that, but definately take you literally that you have moved on????" H....SILENCE
H: " So...what's gonna happen to the stuff?" Me: "huh?" H: " U gonna leave it in home country?" ( implying that he expects I'll come back to him once he's done with his affair Me: " Oh yeah...I'm gonna pay shipping both ways...who says I'm coming back ?" H....SILENCE
2. H:" I don't trust you" ( re: that i will head to a divorce lawyer as soon as i return to home country ) H: " I have no faith in you" Me: " You have no faith or trust in me? Who has been lying to who and cheating on who?"
3. H" don't worry when you are gone me and OW are going to take it slow and not move in together " This was H knowing I was leaving, packed up for good with our newborn son and leaving back to home country. He still had it in his mind that this was a separation!@#$
4. H" you and I don't communicate well" H's explanation for the cheating and A. A few weeks later ....H" It's not like OW communicates well either"
5. H asking me how he looked as he prepared for his dates with OW
6. H telling coworkers that he told me that he cannot help with our newborn son at night b/c he has to work. H's schedule" Mon- Fri 2pm-6pm....but he could work out at the gym and go on dates with OW and disappear for days at a time.
Oh there's so much more...but most of this was a year ago already. H did leave OW and followed me back to home country. We have been living seperately.
H dropped another bomb a few weeks ago...H" b/c we never talk I have been calling OW again and she might come to this city" H said he feels lonely, doesn't love her...he's indifferent, but tired of being alone. I asked how long he has been talking to her ...he said a few weeks.
With a little digging i found out he has been talking to OW for months, discussing her coming to my city in home country as far back as March and that H even stayed with OW's sister in another city when he first came back to home country....all under the guise he's been doin whatever it takes to win me back.
Next it will be my turn for the bomb...divorce papers to be served to the day that we have been a year apart.
BTW....did I mention he's a deadbeat dad. Our son is 13 months old and I have rec'd $60 from H. Son got no Xmas or Bday present. H" i have no money...I have expenses".....H and I make the same, BUT I can support our son...who cares about my expenses. But H has money for long distance phone calls to OW?
Yup...it's amazing isn't it? And all I had asked for was time...time to heal, forgive and think of myself for a change. Maybe I was unknowingly stalling to prove the fact that H will never change and that he isn't really sorry for what he's done. He's sorry he lost his lifestyle that he had with me...because he now has nothing. I know what OW is to him...someone to split the bills with. What is astonishing is that he risks me never talking to him again and zero friendship with me ...if he brings her here. What am I supposed to do...see OW everytime I drop off our son at his place??? It's like torture all over again...to see the woman that helped destroy our M and family.
I always knew my H was selfish..but over the last year I have seen JUST HOW SELFISH he can be. If he's smart he'll go to her, and not bring her here.
And I am expecting once he gets served he will bolt back to the foreign country we lived in before, to be with OW and avoid being garnished for child support payments.
OH YEAH... Almost forgot... 4 days after the bomb (and before she knew I knew about OM) she decides we need to work things out. Confess all to each other, cry a lot, decide we want to be together... That feeling lasts a few days and starts to wane... She starts thinking maybe she needs some time on her own apart... A few more days go past and I tell her in a phone conversation that I had spoken to a Lawyer ACQUAINTANCE, who doesn't even practice in our state,nor is a family law type... She blows up. I tell her that his only recommendation was to try to work things out privately. That as soon as one party involves a lawyer, things start to escalate. Well, then she tells ME that she talked to a girl in her choir who works for a lawyer... and asked for information on a sep. agreement! And if her boss could handle that for us!
WTF... I can't ask for friendly advice, but she can?
Yes, you are right!.You gotta love this topic. This thread could be endless! Here are my favorites:
1. "You only do nice things for me because you know I like it" Tough to beat that one, isn't it.
2. "I've always been honest with you about everything except this relationship" Yup, that's a goodie too!
3."So because I took a vow, that means I don't have the right to be happy" I believe I had told her she was morally wrong. It was pointless but what the heck. Where are you JokerMan? You love this "happiness" stuff.
I guess all these things would be real funny if they weren't so damn serious. I'm looking forward to reading more "quotes of the unfaithful". Keep this thread alive!
Good one, Flip! i have a friend whose W gave him this classic "If you think my A had anything to do with the end of our M, you are so wrong!" The mind can be such a frightening thing.
