Also, you said that husband says he can't forgive himself, my ex used to say the same thing.
He stopped saying it when I truly, truly forgave him and also after the money was settled. Looking back, my ex would say that he couldn't forgive himself out of fear that I would never forgive him.
There came a point when I truly understood why he did what he did. What ex did was wrong, and we both know that. Now the past is never even mentioned. I used to think that ex and I were going to have to rehash ever single thing he did to me, or I wouldn't be able to truly forgive him. That just isn't necessary to do. We both look back at things and see how every single step of our journey was necessary. It is weird. Today I am grateful for what occurred. It made me a better person. It taught me how to forgive.
