Daisy Lover...I am so sorry you are going through what you are going through...in the blissful state I am in, I am almost afraid to go back and read my posts starting in early December when I came to these boards but I see it is all an evolving process...
What have you done in GAL for yourself? whatever it takes you have find joy and happiness in something that takes your constant focus and attention away from your M and H...one thing that my advisor who gets censured on these boards told me was that a spouse will never leave or D a spouse that is happy...you have to find genuine happiness for yourself first...you cannot fake it or just give the outward appearance that you are happy...you have to genuinely feel it...I know that is difficult but like I said in a past post...I am perhaps the most impatient person alive before this...for lack of a good description, the easiest way I can describe myself is the living embodiment and stereotype of the Type A NYC Italian male who is also to the tee an Aries (the Ram) on top of all that...if I can do it and have that kind of patience and detach, ANYONE can do it, ANYONE!! I probably did it with His help and I have to think it was a lesson that I had to learn in not only patience but humility...I even told my W that I will never hold a grudge or resentment for this time apart because I have grown so much over the last seven or eight months but it was a process...
Let go and let Him do the driving for a change...give Him a chance to do His works...go talk one on one with your priest...ask your priest how to let Him in so you can clear yourself for Him to do His works...God will not work in you if you are harboring anxieties I think because that means you dont have the blind faith He requires and your hands are still on the wheel...you have to detach from your anxieties and "lean into" your fears and the best way is to give it all to Him...
I know this sounds very intangible and might be very very hard to grasp in your present state but it can really work for you...lets say you dont try this and dont detach...do you think that has any shot at all in bringing your H back? why would he come back when you are anxiety ridden, not happy and appear to have not changed from when you split up?
I really hope you will consider giving it all a try...sounds like you have the foundation to make this happen...dont fight what might work because it probably only prolongs your misery...keep us posted on what happens and stay strong!!
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads...=5&o=31&fpart=1
I just want to thank you for your words of encouragment tonight. You shined light on areas that I wasn't sure if the changes that my wife has been displaying were anything to see as a baby step. I do feel that I have a good chance with what I have been seeing and hearing from her. I am not going to get my hopes up, I am going to learn to detach and allow God to guide us back together. I just need to continue being happy and looking sharp around her. She use to always tell me how sexy I looked when I was dressed up in nice clothes. Maybe now she sees me looking good and is afraid that someone might attract my attention. She did make some progress by telling me that she has noticed that I have changed and have been being nice. She said that she realizes that she has been mean lately. I am going to continue to learn from the examples that you set and let Him guide me and I will need to trust in Him more. I am also going to join a men's ministry small group to interact with other positive men.
I am doing Joel Osteen's daily jounal. Something that really stuck with me today is how powerful your imagination is. For your to have success or a happy marriage, you need to visualize what it would be like. I laid in my bed and visualized me and my wife getting back together. I visualized us making love . I saw my wife and D2 going on nice vacations and being so happy together. I am going to use this approach every morning and several times a day to keep me in a positive state of mind as I am expecting God's favor.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
TampaGuy...by all means, keep posting! Your post was the 'light bulb' that needed to go off in my head. If you can help others with your experience, PLEASE SHARE IT! That's why we're all here...
Thanks and God Bless...
"When you're going through hell...keep going." -Sir Winston Churchill
You are doing all the right things in my humble opinion and have a great great attitude!! Recognize the baby steps and look at this over a longer term...even though I was blessed with my sitch going from complete and utter darkness to, it seems, blazing light in a matter of a little over a week, my impatience got to me at times and I had to ask myself if I was better off than I was a couple of weeks back...there will be days where you will have a setback but when you look at the longer term and see the overall positive momentum you have it will serve to carry you through the hard times and keep your resolve and focus where it should be...sometimes the only progress you will have will be you busy GAL, continuing to detach and getting right with your Maker...and that is fine because it is all positive...
The way your W seems to be sticking her neck out from around the corner to peak at you, the way her family so warmly received you combined with all you are doing I feel gives you a very good shot at reconciling...you have to free yourself of all anxiety and your W will absolutely feel it...you really seem to be embracing your faith and there is NOTHING that will be more powerful for ridding yourself of your anxiety than getting right with God - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! I think the turning point for me was when I sat down with a pastor of another Christian faith who I know through business...I was probably at my anxiety high in the middle of December and this incident is probably on my first thread...he took a real interest in helping me that day...sat down with me for about two hours and went through verse after verse after verse...he made me realize loud and clear that I will never be alone if I have Him in my heart and totally embrace and accept Him...nothing gets rid of anxiety more than coming to this realization...
The Joel Osteen daily journal is something I would like to hear more of...I started to read his book and got through the first third of it and then picked up something else...I found his book to be spiritually exhilirating and freeing!! I DVR his weekly show and it serves to keep me spiritually centered...my wife took Joel Osteen's book with her on her trip this week...she was excited to get through it after she heard one of his sermons the other night on Getting to the Root of Your Problems...the man is just inspirational...Joel Osteen is coming to Tampa on December 1st and my W and I plan to be there...I dont know why I didnt mention him before now because he has been an important part of my journey...
Hang in there One Wish...you are getting strong and right...it is a process but realize how courageous your wife's heart is and how much she loves you to take that peak out at you after the way her heart has been hurt...honor her love and her heart and keep on making your genuine improvements...you should still detach but something tells me you wont have to detach for long...I truly think in my gut your wife is seeking and wants to be back as a family...she just needs to know it is safe and it will happen at her pace and not yours...keep that in mind...
God Bless you One Wish...when it happens according to His plan it will be the most glorious and everlasting way for it to happen and not some half-a#@ed patched up M which will just lead to this misery again...I truly believe this with all my heart...hang in there and keep doing what you are doing...
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads...=5&o=31&fpart=1
Lancer...if you think it would help you to talk about your sitch then by all means send me your number at tampaguy1961@yahoo.com and tell me what is the best time to call...what part of Iowa are you from...my W is in Cedar Rapids this week with her family to lend support with her sister's critical surgery...supposed to get incredibly cold there after Wednesday and my W is someone who gets chilled here in Tampa unless it is blazing hot!!
I hope we can connect and I can humbly help you with your situation...
God Bless, stay strong and resolute and hang in there!!
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads...=5&o=31&fpart=1
i am so happy for you man......can i ask was there an om involved in your sitch? my waw is living with om and i know she is in ful blown mlc mode, i have just finally decided that the only thing for me to do is to fully detach, both for me and for the sake of the m. but it will be final on march 6th not even 5 months from the time she dropped the bomb
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Blyndfaith...I am so sorry to hear about your pain and that your sitch involved OM...thankfully neither my W or I had to deal with that but I did start dating somewhat but nothing real serious...I had decided in my heart that this M was over and it was part of GAL...my W saw that I was starting to get "out there" and she seriously threw down the gauntlet at that point and made a tremendous and courageous stake at claiming her man once again...I think at this point she could flip a Sherman tank if it stood between her and I...I know it has got to be infinitely harder to detach if there is an other somebody in the picture and thankfully I didnt have to deal with that...
Keep strong and keep the faith...it is being tested now more than ever!!
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads...=5&o=31&fpart=1
You sure have touched alot of people with your strong commitment and faith. You should write a book! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, I have been praying, but can't seem to feel that hopeful. Take care.
. I saw my wife and D2 going on nice vacations and being so happy together. I am going to use this approach every morning and several times a day to keep me in a positive state of mind as I am expecting God's favor. 