GameMan, I want to give you a book recommendation that helped me tremendously. It's called Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. I too had said a lot of things over the years but I always kinda stopped short, kwim? I was not willing to go for the jugular and therefore my words and my meaning was so diluted that he never had a clue how much it was tearing me up. Add in the fact that I am, and have been ever since I've known him, madly in love with him and you have a person who saw and felt my love and, welp, that's really all he needed to know.
Passionate marriage gave me the tools to learn how to converse in a way that GOT through to him. It was hard to get used to being such a b*tch about how I phrased my words...after all, this was supposed to be a topic that centered around desire and love and it felt counterintuitive. But it worked!
I think you've done everything right except for really getting harsh with her. Unfortunately it will probably require you losing the MrNiceGuy role and just laying it out. ALL of it.
Take a look around this site--it's populated with people who had NO idea their marriage was going down the tubes. Your wife is not unique in this regard.
But it's up to you to clue her in. No sugarcoating!
