Game_Over
I have have experienced some of the things you have but to a lesser extent.

My advice is to read the books but don't expet your W to change. You can learn some skills from the books and this forum but that does not mean your W will change anything.

The most sucess I have had is to set boundaries. Decide what is anoying but you might be able to live with and what is a deal breaker.

The things that are deal breakers, you have to talk about with your W in a caring but mater of fact way. No threats, just say what "YOU", not her, will not be able to live without.

Also does your W tell you the brutal truth as to why she feels so little sexually for/with you? It might really be about you but I would guess it is more about her, her past, or some religious or childhood thoughts. I really think some people think sex is mostly just for making babies while others think sex is almost the biblical milk and honey of life.

I think one common mistake is spouses are not skilled in bringing up touchy subjects and are also afraid to hurt the other persons feelings. It is a delicate balance to say what you need from a relationship without the other person or both people taking it too personally or as an atack.

Does DB work? Yes with some people and to an extent with less flexable people. The first thing is not to apear needy and to have a confident attitude. No doormat stuff either. If there is something either one of you is uncomfortable with, make a deal with the SO to try it for 7, 14, 28 days and if they still don't like it, go back to the old way. It is easier to try things knowing it is not carved in stone.

The main help from this forum and the books would be for you to work on yourself. Like your W, my W won't read anything either. Not a good sign my friend.

Ask your W what is wrong with books in general. First excuse is usually she will say she no time so ask/get past that objection. Michelle W Davis, the site owner and book writer, has some CD' and DVD that can be playes in the car (CD audio) and I think some posters have the DVD videos. Both formats are usually something to get past the "no time" objection.

My W/BB thinks some books about relationships are more about guys getting sex than what's on the cover's title. It's kind of like "guys just want sex and someone will write a book trying to convince women to have sex with their H more often.

So if your W does read the book, she might find the parts she thinks are important to her and prove that sex is not the issue in your marriage , or find something else to prove that she is right and most of the marrital problems are yours. I am not trying to discourage you, just preparing you for objections so you can get past some of the typical objections quicker.

What the book can do for couples is to bring up topics to talk about, use a word or book concept in a simmilar manner ( similarly shared meaning) and who knows what else will help or be a problem.

Many people think guys don't read much. Well Game_Over, some women don't read much or only read a certain type of book/magazine.

Some women think guys only want sex and can go without the EC. Well there is something refered to as a "Bell Curve" and some of us guys and some women each fits on the opposite sides of the typical male/female myth bell curve.

Hi or low drive is not the problem, it is the miss match between two people.

Also know some women don't like sex/ML if emotions are involved. That is, sex with their current husband. Nothing wrong with the guy, it's just not that exciting to the W. Learning that was a big surprise to me. I read it on this and other forums and the women that posted said they did not fully understand why they felt that way either. So don't count your W's sex drive out totally. Different things turn on different people.

Also check out www.maiiiagebuilders.com. There are some questionaires that help guide a couple to be more open with each other and there are things some people would only think about after it is too late to save the M.

Sorry Game_Over, welcome to the forum. It is a good place to be and sorry you and the misses are at odds. BTDT. Lots of good people here, so stick around for the journey called life and marriage.

Back to work for me.

Lou