I wish I could understand why I still want to be with my husband, despite his issues. I guess it’s just too hard to stop loving him and I can't imagine being with anyone else. It just feels like we should still be together. I can't explain it.
It's a "feeling", not fact. It would be worth brutally examining your issues in wanting H back, without the romantic notions, considering that he is 'struggling to push himself away from you and running', goes from one OW to another, is engaged in destructive behavior and does not want to be with you. That's probably where your therapist is going to go with you.
I made a vow; I'm trying to keep it.
Marriage is a civil contract. He's breached that contract, you're under no obligation to keep your end of it.
I wish my husband would stop fighting, stop struggling to push himself away from me and stop running. If he could do that...
he would see things a little more clearly...
He could realize that...
and we could start over.
I wish for this to stop, and if it did, he...
Wishes and Ifs about what you'd like H to do... things that he may never do, hasn't done, and unlikely to do now. This is you being into the 'dream', not the reality, do you see that?
