I'm not trying to be negative here but you've carried so much pain and the burden of this M on your shoulders for so many months. It's not healthy, mentally or physically. I worry about you. I wish I could take all the pain away for you. I know you have a heart of gold and I hate to see it being torn apart as it is now. You're worth much more than that and don't you ever doubt it.
Sassy, Thank you very much; you're right, I have endured a lot of pain and burden. Not looking for pity mind you, but this is the truth. Then I think about my H. and I realize he also must have been enduring his own pain and burdens, plus the added complication of keeping all of what was going on from me. It is a wonder he was able to go to work and function like a normal human being. I am scared, Sassy, for certain. I know I would have a lot of support/help from my family. They would do anything to help me relocate, and all that this would entail. But I know my core. I know that I would still miss my H. and want to work things out, no matter what papers are signed or where I have to move to. I can't help feeling that way; I wish it were different. All reasons to hold on for hope that it will turn around I think there are so many reasons. I know sometimes I come here and sound really defeated, that H. doesn't care about me, otherwise this wouldn't be happening. But then after some time to think about it, I still feel that there is a love between us despite what has gone on. Maybe I'm fooling myself, I don't know. It feels very near impossible to release ALL hope and give up.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
