I don't know how to stop loving my husband either. I know he isn't in a healthy place. I have a really strong desire to reach down, pull him out of the muck and save him, hold him, make it all better. Bit I know it is just a temporary solution. I already tried it. I saved him once and he fell in love with me for it. He found joy by being with me, he gained hope in the world. And so we got married. I couldn't continue to feed all of the emptiness within him without making myself empty in the process. And that si what happened. I lost a big part of myself. And over time I thought he was better, healed.
He wasn't though. He just filled the emptiness with drugs and OW. So here we are, me still loving him, wishing like hell I wasn't getting divorced but realizing that I can only control me. he is not at a place to do the work that he needs to be in a healthy relationship. Man I wish he was. I love him so much, we have shared so much joy, so much depth, we have fun and laugh together, we can play, we enjoy the same things. BUT he is still empty inside. And he always will be until he realizes that NO ONE can fill that void except himself.
So I let go. I had to in order to preserve my sanity. hanging on to someone who doesn't want me and proves it regularly was really damaging to my self worth. I figure that I will always know him, I will always love him, and I haven't locked any doors yet.
