Grateful, I wish I could understand why I still want to be with my husband, despite his issues. I guess it’s just too hard to stop loving him and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. It just feels like we should still be together. I can’t explain it. I do hear it from so many people: Hope, you can do so much better than this. You can find someone else who won’t treat you this way. Maybe. But he is still my H. and I love him. I made a vow; I’m trying to keep it. But he will keep looking and looking and when you no longer can make him feel good about himself [which is inevitable] he will start looking again. Yup. And perhaps this is why he has said he and o.w. have stopped seeing each other, and he’s seeing someone else. Actually, Grateful, this might be precisely why H. feels he can not be with me anymore. Being around me reminds him of what he has done, and makes him feel so disgusted with himself. He would rather seek out someone new that doesn’t make him feel like that; someone he hasn’t (yet) cheated on.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
