Finally Friday. I have vacation next week, which will help me have some time to pull together and feel a little more grounded. I still haven’t spoken to H. since Wed. so I don’t really know if he still plans to come over tomorrow to talk. I would really like to call him today to find out if he is coming by. I did call a therapist to make an appt.; just waiting for her to return my call. I also have a dr. appt. next week. I’m doing all I can to take care of myself right now. When I speak to my H. tomorrow, I am going to tell him that although I do understand why he feels he could never come back after all that has occurred I still do not want a D. and I feel that it would be a mistake to do that. Maybe my H. needs to hear me tell him that I love him, that I forgive him for what has happened and that I believe in us, despite what took place. This is a man who has told me he hates himself; he can’t look in the mirror at himself because of how ashamed he is. He is not making himself happier. At this point I think I need to be honest about my feelings for him so he understands that it is possible for me to love him despite what he did. Maybe he can take that away with him and think on it a while.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
