Hey hope- I can understand that you still don't want the D, despite everything you have learned over the past few days. Just be true to yourself and what YOU want. I feel like you do: if our H's want the D, then they should be the ones to file...i refuse to make it easier on him.
No doubt that you are reeling from the revelations this week. Allow yourself to feel the emotions from it. And don't act on your emotions. I think if you are able to find a therapist that you connect with, it would do you wonders. Just be prepared, emotionally and financially (?) for when you have the talk with your H. Make it be on your terms.
As for the medical insurance thing: definitely ask a lawyer, or 2, about this. When H and I met with the mediator, he said that once we were D, i would no longer be covered under my H's insurance...apparently this is a law in NJ. So, just check it out.
There are things in life that, when they are happening, do not make any sense. But, i do believe that there is a reason behind everything. And we might not be able to recognize the reason immediately, but i do believe that one day, it will become clear to us. There is no doubt that life is full of heartaches. But without the heartache, how could we really appreciate the happiness?
Last night, i spoke with someone about this sitch, and she told me that i should stop blaming myself for my current situation b/c i don't have that much power to have caused if. B/c if i did, i would have had just as much power to fix it. And she is right.
Hang in there. You are strong. You will get through this. Believe in yourself and trust that you have been doing the right thing. You are in my thoughts.
