Imdi & Kismet, Thanks for your thoughts and support. Right now I’m just trying to get through each hour without crying at work. It isn’t easy. I don’t know what the truth is, but I hope that he can finally be honest when we talk in person.
It’s very hard right now. The only way I can describe it is like seeing a picture or a vision of my H. that started out very clear and bright. Now, slowly, he is fading away little by little, each time I have a good cry. Someday I will look up and he will have vanished. What I thought I had with him was not real. It’s like a human mirage.
How I wish this was not happening to us. For some reason I do not feel like getting a divorce is going to make either H. or I feel any better at all. I know I won’t feel better, and I can’t see him feeling relief, either (like spitfire explained so well above). But it seems the only way to proceed. I mean, honestly, what else can I do? He insists he does not want to come back. I just feel very helpless, because all I wanted to do was save our marriage and H. put every obstacle in the way.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
