Ebb & Flow

[hopefloats7]

I called him this afternoon.
At first he was trying to be nice to me and he actually wished me a happy Valentine’s day. It was such an odd thing to say to me. I told him we needed to get together to talk.

We got into a terrible fight. I was pretty much screaming at him. The story he is saying now is that he has been seeing her for 4 straight years. She was married, and got pregnant early on into the affair. Because she was sleeping with them both, she doesn’t really know who’s child it is. He said, “I never said I believed her.” So he really doesn’t know. He said she is the only one he has been cheating on me with. He was being so awful, saying he hated me, that all he wanted was for me to go, that he hadn’t been in love with me for a long time.
I yelled at him, told him that I didn’t deserve any of this, that I had been nothing but a loving, supportive wife to him and all he’d done is disrespect me, put my health in jeopardy, and use me. He got mad and said, “You haven’t changed a bit.” and hung up on me. But I kept calling him back, and I told him how disgusting he was, etc. He admitted all he’d done was lie for years to me. But here is the thing, he said that it’s over between them and he already has another girlfriend. I said, you must be happy; now you’ve lost your wife and your affair. He said he was, now he could be alone. I said that all he was doing was complicating things by getting more and more people involved. I asked him why he hadn’t told me years ago that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, etc. and he said that he didn’t feel “it” was something worth leaving his marriage over. I told him he has done nothing but destroy people’s lives. How can he even look at himself in the mirror? He said, “I can’t.” I asked him if he was proud of his behavior; he yelled at me and said of course he isn’t.
Again, I was yelling and defending myself. I told him it wasn’t even about him coming back; that I could not be with him ever again after the things he’s done. It was a pretty bad fight. He was yelling at me to get a lawyer, but before we hung up he said, “I don’t really want to go through expensive lawyers, they will cost too much.” He said this because I offered to go to a mediator with him. Before we hung up I told him we have to get together to talk in person, and he said it would have to be sometime next week. At one point he was yelling and saying he knew he had destroyed so many lives and that he needed to pick up the pieces and move on. We are going to sell the house this spring, and I am going to leave. He does not want to have anything to do with me now.
So it is truly over. I just want to go home and cry.