Wouldn't you know it...the night that i have plans to GAL (supposed to go into the city tomorrow night), its gonna be a freakin' blizzard...is this a conspiracy?
You yanks stay warm, cozy and safe up there!! I'm hooked on WPLJ Mich and I listen to it at the shop and we heard about the weather coming your way!! Becareful!!
Not a lot to add about my situation today; I'm married to a dark H. today. Probably all weekend, as he is off and doing who knows what.
Snow is coming; I have candles, good comfort food, chocolate and red wine. And, puppy & kitty, who love me. We're snuggled in. I'm counting my blessings.
My pastor friend called me today; such a lovely man. He always reaches out right when I need to talk the most. I gave him a quick rundown of the latest, and he pointed out H. is still searching for something he is not apt to find, and that I should remember that I am not responsible for anything H. is doing outside of our marriage right now, but someday he is going to have to answer for it. I do believe this as well. He said that he is worried about H's depression and noted it said something that H. would call me 3x in one day to talk when he needed a friend to listen about his work-related problems. Even after all he's done, something inside of him will tell him to call me. Pastor also said if H. didn't have me to turn to, he is concerned about what H. might do during these depressive moments he has. Funny thing is my parents have said the same thing. I don't think they are trying to lay everything on my shoulders; they would all understand if I filed for a divorce at this point, but they do worry about H. because he has pushed so many people away in his life that if I left his life, too, he would really have no one.
It was a good talk, and he told me to hang in there, be strong, and "it's always darkest before the dawn." Someone else said this same thing to me today.
Now here is my problem: I have a snowblower in my garage. I have absolutely NO idea how to use it. Can anyone offer typed instructions? If not, I guess I'll be using the old fashioned shovel.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hey hope- Stuck inside tonight. Just had dinner and will soon be making some hot chocolate. I am jealous that you have puppy and kitty with you...i was with my cats all day, but it would be nice to curl up with them on this cold, snowy night. I have no clue how to use a snowblower...wish i could help you out.
"it's always darkest before the dawn."
Gee, i hope this is true...doesn't feel like things could get much darker for me.
I guess both of our H's are dark this weekend...no word from mine either. But, i think they are child free, so its party time for him and the beast.
Doesn't it seem, sometimes, that they are not at all affected by all of this. I know that your H has said at times that he is depressed. But, does he ever seem like he is totally fine with this? Mine did this the other night while talking about selling the house. And, i gotta tell ya, it really pissed me off.
I am feeling pretty tired of all of this today...are you? You know, the whole thing...the pain, the drama, the DBing...i am kind of getting fed up and pissed off...i mean, we are working our asses off to try to make our M's better, and they are off, doing god knows what, seemingly without a care in the world. Where did they come from? It is bizarre.
Well, i just wanted to check in...sorry to have vented so much on your post...
Good of you to post and no apologies ever. Say whatever you want here, ok?
Just a thought...can you bring a kitty over to your place and keep her/him in your room? Would your aunt mind? I hate for you to be apart from them. I know I am very fortunate to be with my pets and I love them very much. The house isn't quite as lonely as it could be.
Yes, my H. has told me many times that he is depressed; this last time though, it seemed to be work-related. I think he's depressed over a lot of other things, but that's me looking in. I can't be sure of his real feelings. I think in my case, H. tries very hard to convince me that he is totally fine with what he's doing. Yet, he has also indicated to me that there is guilt standing in the way of us being together. His guilt, over what he has done. Sometimes I believe he's really trying to convince himself and not me, that what he's doing is totally fine. I'll tell you that last summer/early fall, when things with him and o.w. were so marvelous, THAT is when he seemed to project that he was completely comfortable with what he was doing. I saw no regret or guilt back then. He was charging through his life at a breakneck speed, totally high on his freedom, his affair, and being out of this house. It's only been more recently that I see and hear the confusion. Oh, don't get me wrong, our conversations this week were not good. Him telling me he wants a single lifestyle, no commitments with anyone, etc. Yeah ok. But he's not running about like the Energizer bunny he was last summer. I tell you, the man acted like he was on speed or something. I'd never seen him like that before! He's not the same way now.
I am VERY tired of living this way, Imdi. The pain lessens some days, and others it is right up in my throat, choking me. Some days, I want to be out and about doing fun things, other days, just a nap and some tea. I'm definitely on the rollercoaster of emotions.
All I can do now (and it's hard) is to try to live my life as happily as I possibly can, and let H. figure out that it isn't all it's cracked up to be, living alone and being "single". I keep thinking someday he's going to be 50 and look back at this time in his life and say, "Good grief. What was I thinking, behaving that way when I had Hope and a wonderful life, the whole package?"
Happy snow, Imdi.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
H. did call this morning, and wanted to let me know how to use the snowblower. I was pleasantly surprised by this, as it was considerate of him. He said when I was ready to use it, call him back and he would tell me how to do it. He said that he wasn't going to be able to get over here to our house (or he'd do it himself I think). Anyway, I didn't even need to call him. As I was shoveling my way to the car, my neighbor came over with his blower and between the 2 of us, we cleared my driveway. Very nice guy; he helped everybody today. I called H. back to let him know I had help. H. was driving, taking his brother to the train station. (So, BIL was hearing this conversation). H. asked what else was going on; I told him not much; I was going to clean up from being outside in the snow. He said, "Ok; well, I'll talk to you later." I'm curious as to what BIL thinks about our situation, and what H. is telling him. At least he knows H. & I are in contact. BIL knew about o.w. before I did, and he always got along very well with me. I know when he found out about o.w. he kept quiet for his brother's sake but H. told me later that he thought H. was crazy and had lost his mind. The reason I mention this at all is because BIL is a big influence on my H., and I am sure a lot of our WAS's have family members in their lives that influence their decisions and actions. It gets you wondering what kinds of conversations our WAS's have in private with these family members, what is said, and how much of it is true. Just thinking out loud this afternoon.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Just checking in. Not much snow here in MI, just enough to make the idiot come out in drivers. Made it to work in one piece. Glad you got your driveway done. I live in the country my driveway is 400 feet long, we don't even own a snowblower, -- no point. H uses a blade on the tractor. I can't even lift the blade to put it on the tractor. Hoping I never will have to. I have figured out that what limited R talk my H has with his family, he is not telling the truth, atleast the whole truth, and when he wasy something to me about the conversations, it is not the truth of the conversation. just another distortion. He continues to re-write. IE his sister Asked him about OW (according to her, H told her that there was not one W) H tells me that SIL knows about OW and is happy for him Hope you are doing well I am trying to get back on track. I am knee deep in taxes again. I really need legal advise. AHHHHHHHH
Nothing much to add to my situation. I didn’t hear back from H. last night. I don’t know if it’s due to tomorrow or what; just feeling very sad about my marital situation. I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to alter things, but it doesn’t change that I feel so badly that my H. wants to behave this way. I can’t honestly think he is going to find a happier life for himself “out there”, but I suppose it’s up to him to figure that out for himself. I wish things in my situation were going better, but they really aren’t.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
