Not a lot to add about my situation today; I'm married to a dark H. today. Probably all weekend, as he is off and doing who knows what.
Snow is coming; I have candles, good comfort food, chocolate and red wine. And, puppy & kitty, who love me. We're snuggled in. I'm counting my blessings.
My pastor friend called me today; such a lovely man. He always reaches out right when I need to talk the most. I gave him a quick rundown of the latest, and he pointed out H. is still searching for something he is not apt to find, and that I should remember that I am not responsible for anything H. is doing outside of our marriage right now, but someday he is going to have to answer for it. I do believe this as well. He said that he is worried about H's depression and noted it said something that H. would call me 3x in one day to talk when he needed a friend to listen about his work-related problems. Even after all he's done, something inside of him will tell him to call me. Pastor also said if H. didn't have me to turn to, he is concerned about what H. might do during these depressive moments he has. Funny thing is my parents have said the same thing. I don't think they are trying to lay everything on my shoulders; they would all understand if I filed for a divorce at this point, but they do worry about H. because he has pushed so many people away in his life that if I left his life, too, he would really have no one.
It was a good talk, and he told me to hang in there, be strong, and "it's always darkest before the dawn." Someone else said this same thing to me today.
Now here is my problem: I have a snowblower in my garage. I have absolutely NO idea how to use it. Can anyone offer typed instructions? If not, I guess I'll be using the old fashioned shovel.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
