He's not unhappy with you, he's unhappy with himself!!! He doesn't know what to do, think or feel. He continues to work against all the love that you have in your heart for him. He has done several things on several occasions to help push you away from him. But dammit woman, you have the love of a thousand women for this man, don't think for a minute he doesn't know that. He just doesn't feel worthy, and to be quite honest, personally I am wondering just HOW worthy he is of you!! He's got one of the most loving women in the world, waiting for him...he's putting her through absolute freaking hell...hmmm. can I just go smack him real quick and be done with it? Okay, I know, I know that won't do anything...but oh well...
Sassy, Thanks for this. You're so sweet, really. I'd like to smack him a few times, too. The line forms on the right! The last thing I want is for H. to feel unworthy, but I can see your point, and how he might. He did say something today on the phone about HIM not being able to get past what happened (he's talking about the cheating here). It doesn't matter if I can put it behind me; right now, I guess he can't. And there is still something inside of him telling him he needs to live like this right now. I think back to him saying to me, "Sure, I could come back home and things would be fine for a while, but in a few months I'm afraid I'd be right back out there again." Now, I used to think he meant because he thought things would be the same between us, nothing for the better. But now I understand what he meant; he actually needs to live like this; something is driving him. Fear? Maybe; I don't understand it very well, but I'm trying to because something very bad is happening to the man that I love and it is ruining his life.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
