Hope, I think that NYS meant by GAL and backing off is that you turn the focus on you and moving forward in your life. H is flip flopping all over the place. He thinks he's losing you and all of a sudden he's back at the house. He has to keep his leash on you. When he feels he has you where he wants you, then he feels it it safe for him to back off again and go about leading his miserable little life, reaching out to you and feeding you crumbs.
I'll be honest here honey, I'm noticing that your moods and posts lately are really dependent upon your communication with him. If he calls and if the calls are good, then you are happy if not then you appear to be in a backslide situation. It's not healthy sweetheart and I do care about you...right now I'll be honest, it's breaking my heart to see you like this.
All we want here is to see you strong and happy. Not dependent on him for anything emotionally. To find the inner strength that we ALL know you have in you. I will not deny you for a minute that this is not the most painful experience you nor anyone else on here will ever have gone through. But it's all in how you take it from here.
You are putting so much focus and energy on him, what he's doing and what he's thinking. What about you? Yes you want him back, you love him you want a do-over...I am glad to hear that you are respective of his wishes to work things through on his own, but you MUST follow through with his wish and drop the rope and let him go. Chuck the DB coach explained the drop the rope and letting him come back to me on his own time/terms, the following way. If I was to end his R with ow and he came back, it would be under false pretences, not because he wanted to or he had made the decision on his own. Once again, it would have been me making a decision for him. It would/could possibly be something that he would hold over me forever. I only came back because...blah blah...not because he wanted to work things out. Also, if things did not work out between us, again he could go running back to ow and say "See, told you, I tried, nothing has changed."
Your greatest fear Hope, is the same fear I had...losing him and the life you had together...but in reality you have and you have survived it.
Yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly that it takes two to work on things, an R/M whatever it may be. But remember right now, this is not what he wants. He wants to be alone. For whatever reason unknown to us, he just doesn't want it. He's afraid of something...he has to work through these fears on his own. You can be there as a comforting friend to give him reassurance but in all of your interactions I still see you trying to pull him back into the R.
You don't really know if ow! is gone from the picture. He can say whatever he wants and instead of looking out for Hope and her needs you're already mentioning him searching for ow2. It's not about the ow, it's about him and him finding his way through this world babe. He's just grabbing the nearest bandaid to help him cover his wounds instead of licking them and letting them heal on their own.
