NYS, Thanks for posting. I certainly can understand how my H. might think about coming back and remember how he didn’t like the circumstances of our life, and thus concludes he doesn’t want to come back. But you drive my point home here. I do not wish for us to go back to the way we were living before. I have told H. this and I even reiterated this last night. To give you an example I told H. that even if we got back together, I felt that we should still separate our finances. That way, he would feel more in control of his own money, etc. It was during this that he said, “Ok…I’m listening…” I felt that I had touched upon something that might make him think twice. I also told him I was sorry if he had been uncomfortable with the way we were handling that before and it had not been my intention to make him feel controlled. Now let me jump in here about GAL and backing off. Both are fine behaviors, and I have no problem with them. I don’t see how these will help H. see any changes in the circumstances that were driving him away. In order to address those circumstances, he and I need to talk about them, we need to interact in a different way where they are concerned. It requires that I do talk to him about these things, and then ask for a chance to implement them. If we are to change the way we interact, it requires two people participating. He just has to have a little faith that if he gives it a try, it really will be different now. You are right, I did want him to have this alone time to reflect. I knew there had been a shift when he began to call me to talk about little things during the day. I do hope with o.w. out of the picture (or at least on the way out), maybe he would do some thinking. The sense I got last night is that he’s just spending his free time looking for o.w. #2, which makes me very sad. Again, I want to change the circumstances, but some of those that H. didn’t like are such that we need to interact in order for these situations to present themselves and allow me to show H. the differences. I hope I’m explaining this correctly; I know what I’m trying to say, but I might not be saying it right.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
