Hey hope-
I see your point re: your H's emotional investment in his R with ow. But, think about it...how invested could he be if he attempted to leave her at least 2 times, and is now out there looking for someone else. I don't know, thats just my opinion, but i haven't been there during his conversations with you about her.

And this attitude makes me feel very devalued as his wife. Wasn’t I worth working on the marriage for? He doesn’t seem to be afraid of losing me, which makes me feel that he doesn’t think I’m very desirable as a person to be with, spend time with and create a R. with.

Jesus, i said almost the same thing to my H last night. I asked him, wasn't i worth it...wasn't i enough...b/c i certainly didn't feel that way. He reassured me that i was enough and that i am wonderful, yada yada. So, i completely know how you feel. But, try to remember that this isn't really about us. Its about some fantasy that they are chasing. For whatever reason, they became restless. It could be for a million reasons, and we will probably never know them, or understand them. But, you are a wonderful person. Just because your H might be blinded to it doesn't mean it isn't true. They have their blinders on. And for some reason, they want to focus on the negative. I think it is so they can justify their behaviors and their decision to leave. They are trying to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing. But, i think, somewhere deep inside they know that they are wrong.

I know how easy it is to tie up our own self-worth in with how others feel about us. But, that isn't the healthiest thing to do. I guess this is where the DBing stuff is supposed to kick in...how we are supposed to be doing it for ourselves. Yeah, that sounds great, but we started off doing it in order to get our H's back. Like i said last night, i feel like all the changes i made aren't really worth it if i have no one to share it with.

This is going to take time...a lot of time. And it is going to hurt like hell. But, i do believe that we will be stronger in the end.

Sorry for rambling. I just know how you feel, and i know how bad it sucks. Hang in there. Remember, we are in this together!