Ebb & Flow

[hopefloats7]

He did call last night. The news is not great.

I said I was glad to hear from him; I'd been a little worried and wondered how he was doing. He said he was ok; he was just upset about some things that were happening at work---that is what was depressing him. It turns out, he probably isn't going to get the transfer he'd hoped for, and he was having a hard time with that.
We talked about this, well, I let him talk, and I listened. I said, "But everything else is going ok?"
He said, "Yeah; everything else is good."
(He is not depressed about our R. or what he did to me)

Somehow I managed to ask in a roundabout way if he was still seeing o.w.
He said, "No, not really."
Then, he said, "I'm looking...I'm looking."
I asked what he was looking for.
He said, "For a variety of things."
(what he meant is, he is now out there looking for o.w. #2, or more)
He also mentioned some regret over having to look for his own apt., as his brother is going to sell the house he's staying at. I did remind him that he didn't have to get an apt. and he said, "I'm not coming back."
So a short R. talk began, and I asked him if he's at this point in his life (meaning o.w. is out of the picture) then could he be honest with me about why he wouldn't consider us dating and getting to know each other again. He kept saying, "I'm not coming back." I said, "That's not what I meant. I know that you do not want to come back, and that's not what I'm talking about."
He said, "Well, I'm not interested because it would remind me too much of the past."
I said, "You mean, all the negative things that have happened?"
He said, "Yes. And I was unhappy for years."
(he's still claiming this even though it did not show for years)
We talked somewhat about the things that have changed, and I specifically mentioned some things that I felt would be important for the both of us if we were going to give things a try. I was not trying to be bossy at all, but gently suggesting some ideas that I felt he would feel were good moves. For example, I told him even if we did work things out, I still thought we should still separate the finances. As I was explaining this, he said, "Ok...I'm listening...ok..." He didn't dismiss the idea.
I asked him if things like this would make a difference on how he viewed the situation.
He said that he would call me tomorrow.
That was basically it.

So I don't feel much better about things at all. His attitude about us is that he was not happy and he views coming back as going back to the way things were.
Instead, he feels it's better to run from the past, and "move on" as he said. Find someone else. o.w. didn't work out for whatever the reason, but even that isn't making him want to come back. If it's truly over between them, this is the prime opportunity for him to be rethinking coming back home to give us a try, and he's telling me he's not going to do this. That he's "out there looking" for the next o.w. and new R.

So, I don't feel very optimistic that he is ever going to want to try to work things out. I'm not sure what to do. Trying to show H. that I've worked on myself and made positive changes doesn't even seem to register with him. I feel like there is a small window of opportunity open right now, before he finds another o.w. to distract him, and if I don't do something now, there isn't going to be a chance to make him look my way.

I'll admit I am disappointed that he did not call to apologize or that the things he did were what was bothering him.