Saturday morning and things are really in limbo here. W is away on her WAS retreat and I'm trying to figure out what me and the girls can do to chase away the boredom. This is supposed to be our time away to think about things. I have some serious reservations about everything at this point...a real dilemma:
Currently, things in my sitch are going relatively okay as I've indicated in my previous posts. Not much different than anyone elses really, but I'm so confused at this point. Right now, I know that there can be (I am stealing this line from another thread) reconciliation before its time. An interesting concept, but in reality, it is so true. The problem is, I can only handle so much...I feel that by being here for her and maintaining the status quo is only enabling her to continue the A and possibly getting herself in deeper. On the other hand, I know that I cannot force a decision because it leaves unresolved feelings within her. Not a good result. In many ways, I feel that its up to me to remove myself from the sitch and let her see where it rides. I obviously don't want a D or a Separation, but I feel that if the status quo is kept, where does that get us? I see so many people on here that are doing just that, maintaining the status quo and I'm not sure its gotten anyone anywhere. My W recognizes that I am a good person and that there is so much going for us, but can't seem to shake her addiction to OM. It seems to me that nothing about that will change unless there is a shake-up in the norm to upset the balance...or am I just screwing around with nature?
NYS, this is where your expertise comes in (as well as anyone elses for that matter)...I'm just so up in the air. I don't think I can keep acting "as if"....
I really need to take stock of things and get my head together. Maybe acting "as if" isn't so bad...maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of everything than I really need to. She still lives here, she still loves me, she still is intimate with me...so what's really missing?
I'm just rambling at this point, but any advice would be greatly appreciated!
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
