Okay, not much really new to post. It looks like we are expecting quite a bit of snow up our way on Saturday (for those of you that are fortunate enough not to know what snow is *cough* GH *cough* I envy you).
W is going away for the weekend to collect her thoughts and such. I'm pretty ambivalent about this...in one sense, I think she is completely confused about everything...she's afraid of losing me and her life, but doesn't quite know how to handle her feelings for OM. On the other hand, I hope she can use the time to think about life in general. I doubt two days away is going to accomplish anything at all, but at the very least it does give her a break.
I dunno either...I do know that I don't think I can continue living in this triangle much more. In any event, I can see changes on the horizon, whether for the good or bad. At the very least, I think on a personal level, I am in a much better place and have really been taking a hard look at myself. Things in this R have to change, no matter what. I really believe that I have to regain my identity and start with GAL. The past few months I've been ruled by her actions, her emotions, etc. and quite honestly, that's not DBing. I believe I was sucked in by her insistence that she wanted this to work and I threw those DB principles out the window, although I have noticed that I have been reacting less than I usually would under these conditions.
I'm not sure what changes are in store...I don't really believe a separation is in order, nor a D at this time, but something has to change. There needs to be a shift in the balance here so that I can be at peace with myself.
Last night was pretty good, I came home emotionally neutral and lasted that way throughout the night. I wasn't cold or aloof, but tried to be as supportive and friendly as I could. Funny, she was walking back into the house from the garage when she stopped and kissed me and said "ILY", but proceeded to say that I didn't lover her anymore?!? Okay, it was a signal for reassurance, I recognize that and I gave it to her. I said of course ILY very much. Interesting, indeed. This whole thing is just killing her and I wish to goodness that I could wave a magic wand to fix it for her...but I can't make things better for her, only she can.
There are days like that when she is so very sweet and reflective, when she realizes that this whole sitch is wrong and my heart just aches for her...but there's those other days when she acts so cold and distant. *SIGH* the life of a LBS.
In any event, we'll see what the weekend brings. I'll keep up with everyone's post and let you know what goes on from here.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
