Interesting point. Yes, I guess I'd rather know than not know that something is going on. I mean, it didn't take a great leap for me to figure it out in the first place, but at least I can recognize the changes in her for what they are. They DID tell us for a reason...I mean I didn't beat it out of her, she did come forward with it.
As for details, I waver, I guess in many respects I'm better just not knowing because I don't dwell on it as much. In the past few weeks, I found out more than I really wanted to I suppose and it deeply affected me. Nothing major, just more lies, deceit and betrayal than I care to know about. It really set me off on a tangent, so much so, that I question whether I will have the strength to carry this through. I question whether she or I will have the tenacity to set things straight in this R and it scares me. This is one of the biggest reasons why I'm glad that my W is getting away this weekend, because I need time to reflect.
In any event, I do try to foucs on the positives, my W still says, acts and does a lot of things that she used to before. She still says ILY, she still views our marriage as having a lot of good, we still ML (just not as often), and she still lives with me. She has even ackowledged that she needs to be a better, stronger person. Sadly, its that emotional connection that is truly missing.
I'm at a strange place right now because I feel almost ambivalent about how things will work out. I'm confused because I can't rectify that things my W says with the things that she does. I've lost my identity in the context of this R and I wonder if I will ever be able to regain it by remaining in this sitch. There's so much doubt, lost of trust, etc., that I don't know if I can try to work on me without the other half of me worrying about losing her through the process.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
