Great post! I know Rob won't mind (will you?) if I follow that up. I think we all struggle with that. I think that we HAVE to know in order to benefit from it. What I mean is that the knowing is the wake up call we all got. Now, after that, I am a firm believer in NOT knowing any more than I have to. I know enough to know that my M is in serious trouble and that I need to work on myself to not only be better in my M but better in my life. I ask people all the time; what would it help for you to know xxxxx about the OM or A? There is never really a good answer beyond the eventual "well if she did this with him I would divorce her instantly." That is crap and we know it. If we were willing to do that based on some self defined line, then we would have already done it. I do struggle with not knowing specifics but I think I would only suffer for knowing them. It is enough for me to imagine what they may or may not have done. I don't need pictures. When I do find things out, it sets me back a long way in this process. I can admit that. I think some of the details are what prevent us from forgiving later on. Visuals have a habit of not leaving our minds. Do I think my M would be "ok" right now if I didn't know? Maybe but my W told me for a reason. Guilt, honesty, wake up call, who knows, but I did not have a choice. For the record, I did tell her awhile ago that I decided I would rather that she never told me. I think I was wrong about that.
