Another Thursday

[PArob]

My first official lock-out! I feel like a vet now.

In any event, Thursdays are usually the worst days for me, but so far this one hasn't been either bad or good. Not much new to really report. W has decided to take some time and get away for the weekend, which leaves me alone with the girls! We've had a rough couple of weeks, especially with my recent backslide and I think this time away will give us an opportunity to clear our heads and maybe re-focus efforts.

Truthfully, I really do not know what to do going forward in this R. I'm having some serious reservations about continuing on the path that I have been for the past few months. So many lies, betrayal, deceit, etc...it has really worn me down. I love my W dearly, but there is a LOT of emotional damage here and I really am afraid that I will come to resent her for it. One of the thins that just boggles my mind is that my W continually expresses her love for me, ackowledges that there is a lot of good in this M, and knows that she doesn't want to be without me. Yet, despite all these positive feelings about our R, she still refuses, or can't, shake her addiction to the OM. It seems to me that in reading the posts here, that this is somewhat of a unique sitch.

Whatever the case, I believe that I must start to effectuate some changes in my behavior and also start making changes for myself. I believe that I have lost my identity in this M and have traditionally gone along with the program because I thought that was what a spouse was supposed to do. I avoided confrontation when I could and would do anything I could to please her. Maybe this is where I've gone wrong. In any event, I must GAL and start making positive changes in my life.

Well, most of this was probably rambling, I don't think I can even make sense of it today. But at least it has given me the chance to throw some stuff at the wall and see what sticks. Hope everyone else is doing good on this Thursday! Thanks for checking in.