H and I did go to Perth for the few days. Unfortunately, didn't start off too well. At the airport, something small sort of escalated and I blurted "Yes. I know. Going with ow is much more fun. Going with me is no fun at all". To which, H just stormed off. H had my boarding pass so I just sat there sniffling. He came back about ten minutes later and said "let go downstairs" and I just followed. We didn't talk for rather long. Just the necessary things like "look after the bags. I am going to the loo". Still didn't talk much. Think about 3 hours into flight, he asked "you have had enough of your craziness?" ... I just bit my tongue and didn't answer..
Next few days in Perth was quite good... S@x was great... but we did have another R talk the day before we left.. again with H saying "you gave me no choice".. and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer and said "how about i promise you that I won't interfere with your R with ow. You can move away, emigrate etc. I don't care. Just promise you do the same with us. I don't need you to interfere with my life and the boys. I don't want to be with a man who doesn't want me". And he said "I want you...". This went on for awhile. One other thing that he said "Whether I am ready to come back, or not ready to come back, I am coming back. So, do you want me to come back or not? Yes or no? " and I had to meekly say YES. *sigh*...then it was my turn to ask "are you two still together? A yes or No?" ..the reply was a NO..but don't know if that is true? Trust is still a major issue for me. How can I trust this man again??? And I asked him "Am I sharing you or not? Yes or No?" and he said NO again..He kept on saying "shut up and move over to country X!". I was still kinda upset and then he said "Okay ...how about I wear that funny G that you bought? Surely will make you laugh!" (I bought him a funny looking elephant trunk G for his birthday as a joke!) ...
Anyway, before he parted, he said "next time you come over, you got to sort out the house alreday"...
Few days ago.. H texted to say that he is setting up the boys' room with the TV and X-box...
Nothing much has happenned much..and I have had a panic attack this morning if I was doing the right thing... Thankfully, my mentor was around and told me to look at the big picture.. "Keeping family together" ... so, am trying to do just that.
Had a few text exchanges with H and phone call today. He seems "normal". Told him that I have four days of vacation days that I need to use up by end of this month, and if I should come over this weekend. He said he's got friends going over.. and how about I stretch over the 21st July weekend, as I've already got a ticket... So, we'll see.
Trying to calm myself down and not think too much!!!
