Oldtimer, Kismet - Thanks for dropping by guys. Yes, I think it will catch H off-guard if I would say "let's have her over for dinner next week".. I don't think that would ever happen.... he is still lying to her like no tomorrow... according to him, that is... Yes, I think I must accept that she will always be in his heart. I can't control him. Can't stop him. So no point in getting upset about it all. I have to detach and accept that he is going through this withdrawal... lots of interesting talk with H last night... which I will journal some.
Monday (22 May) H called me in the early afternoon to check how I was... (I was driving out-of-town for work). Later in the evening, I saw that I have 2 missed calls from H, and sent him a text to apologize for missing the calls. Next thing was that he called me and first thing he said was.. H: I tell you something..you don't be mad, okay? Me: What? You can't come back for the treasure hunt? H: Yeah... that too. But ow called me today. She works with ABC, who is XYZ's husband, and he has terminal cancer. Not long. Me: Huh.. Oh No.. (actually, I didn't hear him mention ow's name). So did you call XYZ? H: No. Not yet. Don't have her number blah blah blah. Me: What was it that I was gonna get mad about? H: I mentioned her name. ow's name. She works closely with ABC. Me: Oh. How am I supposed to react? H: Nothing. Just telling you. THe fact that I can tell you so... blah blah blah.
Anyway, Later, I did text him and said "THink friend CY would have her number. BTW, I appreciate you telling me that she called"...SOme other text exchanges.
H: Actually she IMed. Haven't spoken to her for 2 weeks. Me: So, your heart A-flutter? Blah blah blah H: I have had enough of women. They are a dangerous species!!! Me: Mmmm... I wonder what that means. Anyway, what is the update on the school? H: I have faxed the documents last week. I will call up the school administrator to f*ck him up if he doesn't reply by noon tmrw. Me: Ha ha ha... is that what you meant? Keep away from women that now you have to f*ck a HIM? Ha ha ha.
Anyway,... Later that night..Over dinner with colleagues, was laughing so much that I choked on a piece of vegetables. Texted H about it..he called and we spoke for more than 1 1/2 hours. First, laughing about the vegetable stuck in my throat, and him saying that I must have ate like a pig. Then we talked about the treasure hunt. H says the flight tickets are too expensive and asked me "how?"... I told him that maybe then he should just stay back, and go check out a pc instead with the money. Set it up so that when boys come over, they can use the PC. Told him to get a computer table and he said H: We don't need one. She shipped one work-table over Me: So she has got loads of stuff? what else in the house is her stuff? H: The butterfly chest, the shoe rack blah blah blah...but bought with MY money. She chose it, yes. But bought with my money... This led on to some relationship talk blah blah blah, which he said -
Negatives - You gave me no choice. - She will always be my friend. - She will always be in my heart. - Yes, I love her - Nothing to talk about. You guys are moving over. I have to control my feelings for her.
Positives? - I never said that I didn't love you. - I hugged you the other night. It's not that I said to myself "okay..got to hug her. I did it naturally". - Didn't you see that I am trying the last few weeks to be closer to you. - Like smoking, I need some time to get over the withdrawal symptons. - The fact that I am telling you things... - You gave me no choice, but as a wife, it's is your right to force me - I have more things in common with you than her (is that actually good??) - I ask you to come over, and we can start anew.... - Need your support. Support by not giving me "sh!t" through my withdrawal.
One thing that he said ...not sure if it's a positive or what.. I started off saying that "I can't keep my man"...and he said "aren't you doing it now?"
Anyway, he said that he felt pity for ow as he has been lying through his teeth. She trusted him. Her parents trusted him?? He was the sweet casanova as usual... He said "she must be very confused. one minute we are getting married, and the next we are breaking up...". We also talked a little bit about the stories that I've heard about ow... H said that he actually did tell ow about me saying that she does not having any boobs or butts. All, and all, I supposed I just have to continue to detach and be happy for myself. DO things for myself and not worry too much about H or ow.. (But I still thought that she was using ABC's cancer to keep in touch with my H). I guessed the long telephone conversation was a little bit difficult to digest (with bits of stuff shared between ow and H) but I guessed I have to try to see the positive in it all (very very hard to do...) that at least H is sharing his feelings and thoughts...
This morning.. H called and asked what I was doing..told him "writing my resignation letter". He chuckled and then told me that boys won't need an English Assessment for the International School...but placement confirmation would only be known in the week of 5th June. And he had sent me an email... Also said tickets are expensive, but at the same time, he would be bored over the long weekend holidays in COuntry X... so, really don't know what he is saying to me. To ask me to say "come back home regardless of the costs?" or what? Or maybe he is afraid that when he comes back, he would go see ow?? I don't know.. Really can't control it all... might as well jusf forget it...and be POSITIVE... THINK POSITIVE...BE HAPPY... LIVE THE MOMENT...
