I said "so, are you saying that we are ALL gonna sit down for dinner??"
It is inappropriate for either H or W to have a "friend" who is not friends with both H and W, who is not a friend to your M. Now, I don't mean they have to be buddy-buddy. *So what* if H isn't that keen on your best friend from highschool and would rather go shoot pool when she drops by to visit you. That isn't a problem. It IS a problem if your old best friend tries to get you to pick up guys with her, if she doesn't act like a friend to the M. One good test is that it should be fine to invite any "friend" to dinner, or to a party.
I doubt that is the case with OW. Ergo, their R remains inappropriate.
Your H just doesn't want to admit to himself about the real content of his A. By holding onto the idea that they will "always be friends" and really cared about each other so much, he gets to feel a bit better about himself.
So, if they are "always going to be friends" I suggest you surprise him and embrace it. Simply say, well, she will have to be a friend to our M for that to work for me. Let's have her and a date over for dinner next week. And, mean it.
I seriously doubt that anything will come from it. But, at least you won't be coming between him and OW anymore. If it makes any sense, your jealousy here helps him maintain his romantic vision of his A. But, if you accept what he tells you at face value -- it is completely over and they are just friends -- and act accordingly, then he is going to have to get more realistic with himself.
