Hellkat - Nice to hear from you... I feel that I moving to Country X is something that I need to do... More of this in my journal below..
Journalling.. From my last post... Monday, H sent me more stuff about the International School via email. Forms etc blah blah. H: Can you check if u have filled up these forms?? If you have, I'll submit the documents you gave me to Company's HR tomorrow Me: Couriered what I could already – last December, including photocopies of school records and immunization, nd passport photocopies….. H: I'll go back and check and will submit tmrw. Will keep u up to date on this...Also, I'll send u the HR contact for u to monitor.
Later that night... I sent him a text to "hint" that I preferred the other school. Some text exchanges between the two of us, and then H called me while he surfed the alternative school's website blah blah blah. Was sleepy so ended call. Still some text exchanges after that. Last thing that he texted was .."we move to a bigger house in september".
Tuesday.. Saw that H sent an email in the morning to his HR personnel to ask about the alternative school... Not much contact as I was busy at work in the out-of-town office.
Wednesday... Again, was at the out-of-town office. Saw that had couple of missed calls from H....was in meeting...Then saw H sent a few text messages. Told me that he filled the application forms and going to the School. Then he called me and interrupted my meeting to talk to me about the school...
In the night...we had a few tiffs... basically, he wants to start afresh and NOT talk about THIS anymore. WTF? He is the one in the wrong and he wants to sweep everything under the carpet. He kept on saying "we start afresh over here in Country X. You move over here, and we sort out our feelings later". I am saying "I want to have reassurances".. and he feels I am PUSHING and NAGGING... got to extent that he blurted out "you are starting to nag. Nag and nag and nag. maybe I can't stand your nagging, we get a divorce or I go an have another affair". That really hit me. I told him that I need to be alone and ended the call... He tried to call again, but I didn't pick up. Then he texted. H: I really don't know what u want from me. I'm already doing what is right for the family but u just can't let it be. What more do u want? I need your support now. Me: How do you want me to support you when you are telling me that you are gonna go and have another affair? H: I'm not gonna have another affair. I have had enuf of woman already. Just come over and we will sort things out in time. Me: Just now, you said "Either we divorce or I am gonna have another affair".. H: Can't u just let things be?? Have a feeling I'm gonna die a lonely man. Hee hee
Ignored that...
This morning, THursday.. H called as I was getting out to my car for work. Had a little discussion/ tiff again. Basically, in short, he wants me to GO over to Country X and we sort out our M over there... He then said "you want me to leave you a few days to think about whether you want to come over or not?" Me: Whatever. Up to you. H: It's you now. I've done what I can. It's now up to you. Ended the call "not" very happily... but he did call me about half hour later to "check" if I was okay.
*sigh*... Feel like if I want any chance of saving my M, and giving my kids a "proper" family, I will HAVE to make the move....somewhat reluctantly. Deep deep down, I know that I need to move to Country X. Then either I will know for sure if I can save my M or it is a dead meat... Loads of sacrifices/risks.... I have to quit my job over here, lease out my home, uproot boys to new country, not have friends over there... to SEE if my M has one more shot of survival... GOSH... seems like a lot to give up, huh? Don't like the thought of it... but is is something I have to do. Don't think that I could ever live with myself, if I decide to STAY put, and my M fails...I would forever be thinking to myself "would it be different if I would have moved to Country X?" ...So, guessed I am doing this to also satisfy myself...that if my M does fail even after I move to Country X, then it is really meant to be.
So..... So, think I will be moving To country X...
Wish me luck...
p/s H did think about daily schedules... he said "In the mornings, I will take the boys to school on my way to work. And you pick them up in the afternoons, then come pick me up...we have have dinner in town before we head home...". He does seem to want to move forward and be a family again. Oh well...
