Friday Nite... Got a text from H in the evening. He texted that he will be back tonight instead of the next day, and I was to keep the boys up till he comes back.
H did come back later, but informed that he will be leaving next day. We talked, and we had s@x and talked again and then I fell asleep in bed. Was quite pleasant
Next day, Saturday... WOke up, had more talks...not so pleasant but not fighting.. but ended up having s@x again... think s@x is how we resolve our issues these days ??? Anyway, we got ready to go to S6's school for the family day. We had quite a bit of fun there. After that, got home...I made lunch and not long, H left for the airport...so he says. I did made a little remark about that and he said "why don't YOU take me to the airport instead of the taxi then..". Anyway, I had my niece's party to go to..so, didn't take him to the "airport". He called at about 6.15 pm..but I missed the call... and he called about 7 pm. Had a short chat. He said that he's back in the office.. (or so he says).. and spoke to the boys. Think he tried calling aboug 10.15 pm again..Missed the call again. Was engrossed in my SUDOKU in another room.
Sunday... H called my mobile but I missed the call as I was out in the garden. He then called the house. S8.5 answered the call, and told him so.. S8.5 came out to tell me "dad called and he said that he will call later". H did call again at about 1 pm. Nothing much, just to check on me...
Another day...... really just plodding along. SOme of our convo/ chats... I did tell him about an article I read about affairs, about this man who married the ow1 whom wanted to follow him everywhere because she didn't trust him. He did cheat on ow1 (W1) with ow2. Married ow2 (W3)and cheated on her with ow3. Told my H that I was laughing my head off when I read it. He kept on saying that the story is fake and he wouldn't be like that... Also related a story about my new coworker...whereby his gf threatened suicide when he didn't want to get married yet. Apparently she tried it about 4 times. When H heard it he was like laughing too. Another thing I said was that he is a real NATO (no action, talk only) and he said "I will. I said I will sort it out. I will".
Another part of our convo: Me: you want two women for as long as you can, until one gets so fed up and boot you out. You want me to go and see a lawyer? H: how do you know that I havent' gone to see a lawyer? hee hee.. No. I havent' Me: Okay. I will go and see the lawyer. Give me the 500 bucks. H: No.. Told you that I will sort it out. That's why I ask you not to see the lawyer.
Anyway... really plodding along with this limbo of having a H whom has his CAKE and EATING it Deliciously...(although I enjoy eating the cake...I really don't like sharing it??)
Monday...nothing much... H IMed me in the afternoon. Short IM session. Later, I texted him about some supporting documents for his taxes. He replied. Later, he called to talk to boys. S8.5 didn't really talk as he was engrossed with his TV and so S6 spoke to him, then on his own accord, I heard S6 say "mommy is not here. She is upstairs, and I am lazy to go get her" and H said "go and get her". S6 " but I am lazy". To that, I was laughing my head off already, and took the phone from S6 and spoke to H. He chatted abit ..about me confiscating the boys' PS2 controllers so that they are not able to play the games during school days..blah blah... Told H about "micro-injuries" and he laughed at my "over-protectiveness" of the boys. Anyway, more convo and he said "why are you such a good girl these days, not arguing with me? Not that I am complaining" I said "no PMS yet?? One more week, and probably it'll start again". H chuckled "oh...in that case, I better enjoy it while I can.."
Anyway, later that night,...I sent him a short text to tell him that I was gonna go to bed and wished him good night. He texted back "Nite nite hottie".....
So, there goes another day of limbo.... Have not been posting much in others' threads as I am not sure if I can offer good advice... Am in this sitch for one year now and yet there is NO REAL BIG steps. Sure, there are some positives,...baby steps I guessed. Perhaps I need to write it down to keep me motivated to continue with this limbo sh!t.
* He says he wants me and the family * He says he will sort out with ow * He calls me everyday to see how I am * He IS staying in the house when he is back * He wants to do things as a family * He wants me to feel positive, and not keep on talking about D * He tells me that he enjoys talking to me * He tells me that I am his wife and friend * He tells me that he finds me attractive * He tells me that he still loves me
Hopefully, I can be focused on the baby steps?? At the back of my head, a little voice is telling me "then, what the f#@k is he still with ow??" and all this TALK AND TALK AND TALK and NO ACTION???? Okay..okay..time to put all these thoughts away in a little box, and throw the box into the garbage chute!!! Focus! Focus! Focus on the baby steps. Also, I need to detach more and be happy for myself.... and I think I am okay for the last few weeks...hopefully, the next pMS won't screw my emotions up again. Need to pop those evening primrose pills!!!
Tuesday... Started off quite alright. H called in the afternoon to see how I am. Short chat. Nothing much.
Later in the evening, H called the home phone to speak to the boys. Boys were rathe naughty last night. ANyway, heard S6 said "you wanna speak to mommy? Okay. Mmmmommm..dad wants to speak to you". So, I spoke to H. He sounded okay and normal.
Later in the night, I saw that I had two missed calls on my mobile. Was H. But I didn't call him, but sent him a short text about something funny in response to his text the night before. Then H called. Asked why I didn't pick up the phone when he called. Told him that I was in the shower. Heard that he sounded "different" and commented that he sounded tired. H: No. Just feeling sh!tty. Me:Oh...In that case, better not talk. H: Ok. Bye then. Nite Me: Nite.
Then I sent H a text. Me: You shouldn't call me when you are feeling sh!tty. Cause you will then make me feel worse, which in turn, I will make you feel worser than worse... and it goes on. BTW, this is a symptom of MLC. Maybe you should see a doc to get some anti-depressants. Nite nite. H: No. It's not that. Will tell you about it in a few days. Nite Nite. Me: Okay. Have some chocolate or w@#k...works wonders... at least for me anyway. Nite nite.
No reply from H. Did wonder if I should text and check up on him. But thought..nah.. won't help. And I would feel worse if he texts back with something negative. Kept telling myself that I can't control him. He needs to sort himself out. I can't cure his inner issues/ demons/ emotions/ turbulence... He needs to sort this out all by himself.
Guessed my PMS is still not in the horizon as I can still think straight.
WEDNESDAY Some contact in the day with regards to H's taxes. So emails, texts, and phone calls between the two of us.
Later in the evening, H called to speak to the boys, and then to me. Again, H was telling me about his plans to have his family over to Country X, boys to start school in August, and we move to a bigger house in September blah blah blah. As usual, I said "Wait till you sort out first. . Have heard this for ages... blah blah balh". S8.5 was doing his homework, and while I was still on the phone, S8.5 came to ask me if his answer to the sum was correct. I answered "Go and finish the rest, and I will come and check"... Then H piped up "You telling your son or me?" Me: Your son.. H: (LOL) But it applies to me too, right?? Me: (LOL) Yeah...I guess it does... H: I was thinking...do you want to bring the boys over to Country X over the May holiday weekend? Can't come back with my work schedule.. Me: I guessed that would be okay. H: Okay. I will give you the dates..
TODAY, THURSDAY... H called me and asked me if I wanted to go over to COuntry X tomorrow...just me, without the boys... SO, think I will go. Have not gotten flights yet though as need some details taht I don't have...
"Lord, heal my marriage, in the Name of Jesus. Amen."
"Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus." After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly." Acts 4:29-31
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
Bowtech... Wow..that seems rather complicated... Thanks for dropping by.
Journalling.. From my last post, there were numerous text exchanges between H and I, and chats over the IM with our usual raunchy stuff. I went home and sent H my passport details for the purchase of the tickets. H did the booking and all. Later, he called and we chatted abit, spoke to the boys. Some text exchanges after that, and a few phone calls of H bugging me if I want to have phone s@x... No, didn't this time. Went to bed.
This morning - FRIDAY, Saw that H had emailed all my flight details to me. So, ...will be off to Country X later today. Better not have any expectations and just have fun... This morning, when I told S8.5 that he would be staying over with his grandparents, he said "what? more problems with dad that you need to go sort out?" And later, told S6 the same thing and he said "Not fair. You gonna have fun with dad and I can't"... Kids are soooo innocent...calmly asked him "do you want me to have fun with your daddy or fight?" and he sheepishly answered "have fun. you and daddy have fun" ...thought that was kinda funny. Yup..he is right, mummy and daddy gonna have FUN.. Will not have any expectations in terms of our R and M... but fun s@x..sure, no problem with that..
Flew into Country X on Friday evening. H came to the airport to pick me up with the driver. Had some R talks in the car. H basically told me that he felt that he is "happier with ow". I then asked "why do you ask me over then?"
Felt that throughout the trip, H was pulling a DBING on me. He kept on saying that "you can't expect me to bounce back to before instantaneously, right?" or "You said that I have to get through this" or "you said that we have to work on it" or "why can't you be normal and show me that I have something to come back to instead of fighting?".
Anyway, Don’t know if it was good trip or what… Overall, H was as usual, very sweet and nice when we didn’t talk about ow, our Marriage or our R etc.
Took me to the mall, ask me to go for hair wash and manicure and pedicure. He actually sat there and waited for me. He took food for me when we went out for meals, made sure bath water was the "right" temperature for me...*sigh*
But we also fought like hell yesterday (Sunday) . I actually PUNCHED him.
He said that I gave him NO choice but to come back to the family, blah blah blah..
Anyway, he also said that he will enroll the boys at the international school blah blah balh.
Well, all I have been hearing for the last 12 months is talk talk talk. But on the other hand, I also really scared if he really DID enroll the boys in the school. He showed me his boss’ house, which he said he had booked for September. Said that he will enroll the boys for start of school in August. We move in July with minimal stuff, then only ship furniture when the boss vacates the house in September. I don’t know lah… But I was really really mad yesterday AM. Screamed so loud at him…Now I have got a sore throat.
Anyway, we “made-up” after the screaming/punching match and went out lunch together.
Aiya, don’t know....will see….. feel that I have no choice. Either I can just go on like this forever??? Or if he does do something, then I would have to move ?? I am rather scared. If I want to preserve the family, I don’t have much choice. And I know my parents will not be happy too….. I am stuck. Anyway, no point thinking about it now. Wait till he really does something first
And this morning... I texted him "Not nagging...but do you realize that once the boys are in the International School, they can't get back to the local schools?" H replied "Then we don't come back home. Easy as that."
geez yo-yo, I think I'd have punched him too after all that!
"why can't you be normal and show me that I have something to come back to instead of fighting?".
UM - why cant HE offer YOU something to fight for other then his overblown ego? and if he's still playing the same game come July are you still going to move to country X?
Hellkat - Nice to hear from you... I feel that I moving to Country X is something that I need to do... More of this in my journal below..
Journalling.. From my last post... Monday, H sent me more stuff about the International School via email. Forms etc blah blah. H: Can you check if u have filled up these forms?? If you have, I'll submit the documents you gave me to Company's HR tomorrow Me: Couriered what I could already – last December, including photocopies of school records and immunization, nd passport photocopies….. H: I'll go back and check and will submit tmrw. Will keep u up to date on this...Also, I'll send u the HR contact for u to monitor.
Later that night... I sent him a text to "hint" that I preferred the other school. Some text exchanges between the two of us, and then H called me while he surfed the alternative school's website blah blah blah. Was sleepy so ended call. Still some text exchanges after that. Last thing that he texted was .."we move to a bigger house in september".
Tuesday.. Saw that H sent an email in the morning to his HR personnel to ask about the alternative school... Not much contact as I was busy at work in the out-of-town office.
Wednesday... Again, was at the out-of-town office. Saw that had couple of missed calls from H....was in meeting...Then saw H sent a few text messages. Told me that he filled the application forms and going to the School. Then he called me and interrupted my meeting to talk to me about the school...
In the night...we had a few tiffs... basically, he wants to start afresh and NOT talk about THIS anymore. WTF? He is the one in the wrong and he wants to sweep everything under the carpet. He kept on saying "we start afresh over here in Country X. You move over here, and we sort out our feelings later". I am saying "I want to have reassurances".. and he feels I am PUSHING and NAGGING... got to extent that he blurted out "you are starting to nag. Nag and nag and nag. maybe I can't stand your nagging, we get a divorce or I go an have another affair". That really hit me. I told him that I need to be alone and ended the call... He tried to call again, but I didn't pick up. Then he texted. H: I really don't know what u want from me. I'm already doing what is right for the family but u just can't let it be. What more do u want? I need your support now. Me: How do you want me to support you when you are telling me that you are gonna go and have another affair? H: I'm not gonna have another affair. I have had enuf of woman already. Just come over and we will sort things out in time. Me: Just now, you said "Either we divorce or I am gonna have another affair".. H: Can't u just let things be?? Have a feeling I'm gonna die a lonely man. Hee hee
Ignored that...
This morning, THursday.. H called as I was getting out to my car for work. Had a little discussion/ tiff again. Basically, in short, he wants me to GO over to Country X and we sort out our M over there... He then said "you want me to leave you a few days to think about whether you want to come over or not?" Me: Whatever. Up to you. H: It's you now. I've done what I can. It's now up to you. Ended the call "not" very happily... but he did call me about half hour later to "check" if I was okay.
*sigh*... Feel like if I want any chance of saving my M, and giving my kids a "proper" family, I will HAVE to make the move....somewhat reluctantly. Deep deep down, I know that I need to move to Country X. Then either I will know for sure if I can save my M or it is a dead meat... Loads of sacrifices/risks.... I have to quit my job over here, lease out my home, uproot boys to new country, not have friends over there... to SEE if my M has one more shot of survival... GOSH... seems like a lot to give up, huh? Don't like the thought of it... but is is something I have to do. Don't think that I could ever live with myself, if I decide to STAY put, and my M fails...I would forever be thinking to myself "would it be different if I would have moved to Country X?" ...So, guessed I am doing this to also satisfy myself...that if my M does fail even after I move to Country X, then it is really meant to be.
So..... So, think I will be moving To country X...
Wish me luck...
p/s H did think about daily schedules... he said "In the mornings, I will take the boys to school on my way to work. And you pick them up in the afternoons, then come pick me up...we have have dinner in town before we head home...". He does seem to want to move forward and be a family again. Oh well...
Hi Yoyo. Just dropped by to get caught up on your thread. A lot has happened with you . I feel your apprehensiveness about going to County X, as I would too. But like you said you really wouldn't know in the future if you made the right decision if you decided to end your M. It does appear that H is showing you that he is serious about the boys schooling and all.
So, does this mean that H has ended things with ow? Or is he planning on doing this once the family has moved to Country X?
I really don't have any advice to give, but I think you are doing good so far. As for my sitch, things are going well. There are good days and bad days but more good days than bad. I still have the trust issue which I think I will have for some time but I can see the reconnecting between us getting stronger each day. So hang in there with H (if that's what you truly want) and remember all that you've learned from DBing.
I'll check back in with you soon. Good luck!! Oh, when will you be leaving for Country X?
KDK
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
and talked again and then I fell asleep in bed. Was quite pleasant 
. I feel your apprehensiveness about going to County X, as I would too. But like you said you really wouldn't know in the future if you made the right decision if you decided to end your M. It does appear that H is showing you that he is serious about the boys schooling and all.