Still Yoyo-ing About #6...

[kaydeekay]

Yoyo, sorry to hear that you are feeling down (I think we are allowed those now and then ). I know it's very hard to let go but maybe this will give Mr. Yoyo a kick in the pants to actually "feel" what it would be like if Mrs. Yoyo wasn't around.

Keep your chin up. I won't be on the BB as much anymore.

[yoyogirl]

Walkingback/ Kismet/ KDK - Thanks for your words, guys.. I wanted to believe that I am stronger but... the big but.. I backslide very very badly yesterday and today. Bombarded H with texts and emails. I am in such a mess. I am soooo confused and am seriously thinking of filing papers of some sort.. which I know I will regret later. I am really in a mess. Need to go DARK abit. Plus S8 not feeling well with a high fever is not helping either.

Depressed...

[yoyogirl]

It is almost a year since I found out about ow. Nothing has changed. Any advice what can be done in my sitch?

[kml]

Yoyo -
Seems like when H first started to turn around was when he was a little jealous about your vacation, and whether you might find someone else? Then he got closer and you made it clear you were waiting for him, and he went back to dragging his feet?

So - some possible course of action for you might include:

- stepping up the mystery and making him worry that if he doesn't hurry up, some other man is going to snatch you up.
- record him saying he's going to get rid of OW and come home and then go to OW with it (this one could backfire on you, but if you get to the point where you are ready to give up anyway, then it might be worth doing.


While I know it's tempting to file for divorce just to shake him up, it's usually not a great idea - just because then they suddenly focus on you as the "bad guy" who's going to "take all their money".

Ellie

[kismet]

((((yoyo))) ~ backsliding is ok. Yep I reckon put the fear of God into Mr Yoyo. Maybe treat it like it is over and really start gal. No divorce talks though. Up the mystery and start having fun again.

I do like the recorded message thing tho

Have a good weekend. Hope S is feeling better.

[yoyogirl]

Dear KML/ Kismet... Thanks for your advice. Think I backslid real bad today...H came back for a couple of hours. He went to ow's place first. I know. When I asked him, he said "what if I did, and what if I didnt'" ... I am really really exasperated. One exchange of words led to another, and then I said "enough is enough. I am going to call ow". He said "I knew it. I knew it from the beginning that you are going to corner me with this kind of threat". Think he has been concocting lots of stories to ow. That he is not afraid to thrash me or hurt me since I know the truth about our marriage, and that ow doesn't have a clue?? He said "you think she will stay if she knows the truth??" He is still in such la-la land that he thinks that he and she can live happily ever after in a bed of lies. Then he said "I will break it off with her in two weeks. You spare her. You don't call her". What the heck?? Why would I care about her feelings if he is going to abandon the family regardless?? I really don't know this man anymore. He is really an alien. I thought that there would be something left in our marriage. Guessed I was wrong. Anyway, then he left and there was a war of text messages. He texted that "your threat has changed my perception of you and I don't want to come back to you anymore". So, there... Anyway, I've already told the kids and they are taking it okay.

He also said "go send me the papers. Or I will do it.". So your advice of no D talks is already out of the question since I've already done it.

KML - with my backsliding stance today, don't think that I could do either of your advice now. My GAL and a man snatching me away will not really interest him since he is willing to walk away now. Upping mystery or not also probably will not work.

I cried my eyes out today... I think I've cried enough for this man. Time to move on... I am still pondering on what to do with the legality of our marriage. Should I file the papers? Or wait for him to do it? Wait a week or two until I have had proper thought about this? All my friends and family are now saying that it is time to move on. Short pain is better than longer pain. I don't know..

I guessed the DB way is to forget about H for the time being. Forget about my sitch. DO NOT file papers. Just concentrate on myself and GAL. Can't think so I will do this...

Will concentrate on myself... Yes...that is what I will do.

Focus on Me!!!

[yoyogirl]

Things to keep me on-track

- Do not Call or Text H
- Do not think about my sitch
- Focus on myself...GAL
- Focus on my children!!
- Be Happy
- Do not dwell on things outside of my control...
- Love myself each day...

[kaydeekay]

Yoyo~

My advice for you is to forget about H (I know, easier said than done). I think H is giving you idle threats. Hell, if he really wanted a D, I think he would have filed papers long ago. He's only dragging this sitch by having two women who want him as long as he can.

I would not file papers, let him do it. Remember in my sitch, my H filed papers last July and now we are working on reconciling. H had told me he wanted a D and I had accepted that. I totally gave him up as if he were never going to come back to me. Once H realized that I was moving on and starting a new life for myself, he didn't like it. H and OW had a huge argument and he left their residence and stayed on my couch. H was trying to work things out with OW....at the same time pursuing me. AGAIN, he wanted both of us and by this time I told him that I didn't want any part of that life anymore. Once H knew that I was serious he realized that he would REALLY lose me forever. Eventually H and OW relationship fell apart.

My D is still pending. Neither H nor I have put a stop to it. Eventually, my D case will be dismissed automatically by the court if we don't pursue it any further.

When you told H that you would contact OW, I think this put him in a tailspin. Of course he's been telling her stories or she wouldn't have held on to him this long.

"your threat has changed my perception of you and I don't want to come back to you anymore".

Oh poor thing. I have heard this line too. Sounds as though H is trying to play the victim here. It was in my case. Don't let his words hurt you. Like I said it's just an idle threat.

As for contacting OW. I don't know what good would come from it. There would be things that you probably wouldn't want to know about their relationship (intimate stuff) and I'm sure she would be happy to tell you all about that. And I think she wouldn't be truthful about a lot of things too.

Forget about my sitch. DO NOT file papers. Just concentrate on myself and GAL. Can't think so I will do this...Will concentrate on myself... Yes...that is what I will do.

I totally agree with you here sista! Use your rubber band technique again. When you want to call or text H, give your wrist a twang

[hellkat]

man yo-yo, just his whole reaction to you calling OW is one of those things that make you go 'hmmmmmmm'. I bet inside he was crapping his pants!

"I knew it. I knew it from the beginning that you are going to corner me with this kind of threat".

gee it's funny how your husbands affair will make you do the most insane of things............imagine that?

I agree - focus on you and the kids and nothing more, easier said then done i know, but right now he's more interested in not having HER feelings hurt then yours or the boys - so fudge em' for now

[yoyogirl]

hellkat/ kdk - thanks sistas... yes, agree that I shouldn't file the papers. THese WAS are really a whole confused lot. After our fighting match on Sunday, there were some text exchanges between H and I later in the night as S8 was ill and he wanted to know how he was. And think he spoke to the boys (boys stayed over with grandma as I had to travel out-of-town for work on Monday) and then reverted with a text to tell me what the boys said. I ignored his text. Then later, I was on the phone with my gf when he called my mobile. I asked my gf if I should answer it and she said "no... no". He called again and I let it go on the voicemail. Then later, he called my house phone. I was sort of asleep and so was rather unfriendly to him. He said he tried calling but was engaged. Kept it real short. Told him that I needed to sleep now.

Next morning (Monday), got a text from H "Just read your emails. Like I said, I'll come back to the family. We always do. I just need the time and space to do it right. All will be well, and I still love you and the boys lots. Don't waste the 500 bucks". I ignored this text.
Later in the afternoon, he texted again with "how is S8?". I didn't reply. Then he called me and asked why I didn't reply to his text. I just answered gruffly that I was driving...and driving the whole day. When I got home after a long long day of driving, I heard my house phone ring. I couldn't answer it on time. Then my mobile rang. Let it go to vm. It rang again later..and I picked it up and told him that I don't wanna talk to him, I am tired of listening. I don't want to be lied to again blah blah blah. The idiot had the cheek to ask me "Is your period here yet?". Told him that it doesn't matter...cause it's not because of my PMS. I was rather cold to him and he answered as usual "okay, I won't call you until I sort it out".

Next morning (today, Tuesday). Got a text from H at 6.40 am. Woke me up with the stupid beep from the phone "Jet lagged...Can't sleep. Thinking about alot of things. I know you don't wanna know...but I have [censored] and dreaming about [censored] you". Ignored the stupid text. Then about ten minutes later. My house phone called. And again, he was all sweet and nice with "How are you doing blah blah blah". Told him again that I don't wannat speak to him blah blah blah... We had quite a long convo.
Me: I don't think we should have small talk. I mean we are separated. What is the point of small talk. Kids know now and I don't care anymore. Like I said, if you wanna call to talk to the boys, go ahead. And I won't stop them from seeing you.
H: It's not about the kids anymore. I want to be with you.
Me: You are saying that because you want to get into my pants.. so that you can have two women.
H: it's not about s@x. Why do you keep on saying that.
Blah balh balh.
H: I will sort it out. ... I said I will.
Me: I've heard that one year already. What makes this time different?
H: You are right! You are right (is he DBING me???) I have to sort it out soon because No.1) you wanting to talk to her is pushing me and No.2) I don't want you to be with other guys. (oh.. earlier in our convo, he ask me about my nite out the other day. who chatted me up blah blah blah. I also told him that my dad said to me "have a few affairs of your own!"... he he he .. I also told him that as the kids know now..and that I really love a man on me and I am NOT gonna wait for him. Besides, he did say "I didn't ask you to wait for me" on Sunday)
Again, he said he will sort it out. Ended the call. He called again ten minutes later. I picked up and asked him to stop calling. He called immediately again. And somehow, I am ashamed to say that we ended up having phone s@x sh!t!! *sigh* This is starting all over again. Now he is happily twirling two women round his fingers again. ...I really need to have stronger willpower. I have to revert back to ZERO. It's quite difficult to have zero contact though...with me wanting his $$$. He just texted me to find out if I've received the $$. I have respond, correct??

Trying to keep a low profile...