As for being extra nice over the weekend. Yes, I did but I am a wreck now. Thought that I am strong and detached but realised that I am not. I just IMed H and went with my clingy ways and he called and we sort of argued a bit and there we are back at almost zero. Overall, the trip was good. Too good in fact. Things were like normal. H was almost his usual self, scooping food to my plate, being concerned about me. We talked about things like normal. Joked and all. Had our sessions and all. We didn't argue at all throughout the 5 days that I was there. But this morning, felt really crap. Perhaps things were too good and I realised that it's not the truth?? That I am living in some la-la make believe land?? I don't know...
In our teleconvo a few minutes back, H said "I said leave things as it is. What do you have to lose?" I said "my sanity?". Asked him if he wanted me to do the paperwork, then he'll be happy. He said NO. Told him that I can get our mutual friend to help him out. He said NO again. Anyway, I really don't know what to do. What do you fellow DBERs suggest? I have told him that I need to not have any contact with him, and he said "Okay, I will leave you alone for awhile till I sort things out." So, think this would be the route for the time being. Find that I am running round and round in circles. Really no way out other than NOT CARING. What happened to my detachment???
Journalling.. Saturday PM - Arrived in COuntry X. H came to the airport to pick us up (First time....) with the driver. We went to do some grocery shopping and had KFC for dinner. Went home, tucked boys into bed and we got into bed ourselves.
Sunday... In the AM, was sort of halfway in another session when S6 started crying and S8 banging on the bedroom door. S6 had a little accident and was bleeding... So, session interrupted. S6 is FINE and we had breakfast together. Left H in charge of the boys. Took MIL to the mall. H brought the boys over to the mall later. We had dinner together at a restaurant. H was rather distant on this night.
Monday Early morning session before H sets off to work. Didn't see him till dinner time. Had dinner prepared, then we went out shopping. Picked H up from work and head back home.Had dinner. H even washed up after dinner. Called/texted me few times throughout the day.
Tuesday Didn't see H till dinner time but as usual, called and texted a few times to see how things were, what were our plans etc etc. Had dinner out. Came home...another session before bed.
Wednesday.. Met H for lunch, and then took a flight back home later.
I have told him that I need to not have any contact with him, and he said "Okay, I will leave you alone for awhile till I sort things out."
I think that will be good for both of you. This way it will give you both the time to think about what it is you really want.
I went back to the beginning of your sitch (I think May 2005) and your H was basically doing the same thing he is now. I think I remember reading that he need a few weeks or month to sort things out and end things with ow. Nothing has changed with him since then.
I think you may need to drop the rope and see what H will do. I wouldn't worry about ow anymore. Every time you worry or think about her you are giving her the power.
I'll check on you soon. I'm not really on the board as much. My sitch is a little better right now. H said he's giving it 100% but I've been a little apprehensive and ponder if this is really what I want right now.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
In our teleconvo a few minutes back, H said "I said leave things as it is. What do you have to lose?" I said "my sanity?".
Yes, I can see why he tries to put it back onto you. I think the whole reason for his continual dilly dallying is because of what he will lose ~ ow. He likes eating his cake, and having it too.
Maybe you do need to drop the rope like kaydeekay suggests. Maybe wah needs to see that you are happy to move on without him and quit happy to replace him for him to be jolted back to reality?
I don't know yoyo. Do the DB coaches do phone consultations? Maybe it might be worth looking in to?
Maybe it is time for Yoyo to row that little boat off into another direction instead of in the circles you keep rowing in thanks to Mr Yoyo and his "Trust me ~ I will fix it"? Sorry yoyo, no real advice, I am just waffling.
Hey make sure you have some great things planned this weekend.
KDK/ Kismet - Thanks for your advice. Yes, I think I need to row my boat towards a different direction. I have thought about it and think that I should really drop the rope. I will stay away from him. I did think of staying with a friend when he comes back to see the boys. I won't tell him so, just let him come back and see that I am not around. Yes, I agree that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. By end of this month, it would be a full 12 months of "sorting" out. If he can't leave ow, I supposed then I have to "leave" him.
Another thing that is complicating things ....I know I am silly, but lately have been thinking of having a girl (I have 2 boys...) and even thought of going to a sperm bank and all. LOL...but then thought maybe I could get H to "donate" the sperms. LOL.. Don't want him to think that I want to use a baby to tie him down. Actually had been thinking of drafting an Agreement so that I "free" him from all obligations to this baby and he can be at ease. I just want all my kids to have the same father and surname. I know silly...but biological clock is ticking and really have a yearning for a girl. Yup, no guarantees but .... He will only be responsible for the two boys. This third child will be truly my own?? Giving myself a couple of weeks to see if I still have this yearning .....
As for H, really have given up on him. Don't know what else to say about this man. He said that he's going to China but I don't think so... Don't really know what to believe about this man anymore. Oh well...I will survive.
Yes, things are okay with me...really. Had brunch with a girlfriend and did a little shopping. Had a nap and going to a company dinner tonight. So Saturday is pretty full.
Tomorrow, Sunday...will be off for a buffet brunch with family... so, will be good too.
Nothing much happenned as I've not spoken to H. Limit on those text messages to "proper" stuff like finances and boys only. Went out to a company function last night. H did call my mobile but fumbled for my phone and missed the call,...which is a good thing. Help me in the "dark" mode. But I did send him a short text "boys with mom. am out". H replied "ok. enjoy yourself. bye". That's about it. Think I am able to control my emotions better when I don't hear his voice. Makes me more level-headed I guessed.
Anyway, the Saturday night dinner was quite fun. Had belly dancers for entertainment and I ended up as one of the performers! Could feel my flabs jiggling about... LOL.. Thankfully, I did lose some weight (thanks or is it supposed to be no thanks? to the sitch) and so did not really make a fool of myself. Danced a bit too.. Have to say was kinda fun.
Continue with the GAL... going for a Japanese buffet brunch with my boys, parents, sisters, BIL and little nephew. Thinking of going shopping after that too...
Have been pondering in the middle of the night. H really doesn't deserve me nor the boys. The lies, the deceit... So, I don't want to spend too much dwelling and thinking of him anymore. I hope I can adhere to this stance. I am going to start by not even mentioning him. Oh..who??? LOL
Think it is PMS again. Feeling kinda crappy last night thro my sleep too... Still feeling crap and down this morning too. I am kinda confused and down. Had another talk with the boys. Know that I shouldn't upset the boys, but think that they need to be prepared when both H and I separate. I feel things will not change with him. It will be a year by end of March. I want to be hopeful and optimistic and all, but all the evidence does not point that way. He talks and talks and talks. BUT I don't see the action. I am really tired. What can a lady like me do in this situation?? I know that I should just detached myself from my H and my sitch till I can think clearly. Trying very hard to not think at all. *sigh* I am like where I started eons ago...
No your not Yoyo. You have come such a long way and have have lived through a very challenging experience in a way many others would never have. You are an entirely different woman than you were a year ago - and you should be very very proud of yourself.
Chin up. You are going to be OK, married to Mr Yoyo or not. I was reading something about Fung Shui the other day in terms of ending/beginning relationships - and the advice was (the same as any other fung shui advice I guess) that you have to clear out the negative, in order for the positive to flow into your life.
Take what you will from that anecdote.
((((Yoyo))))
Virginia
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Hey yoyo, yep I get that feeling myself too of late that I seem to be going backwards, but we are not. We have slowed down from that frantic pace when we started DBing and were so sure it was going to work and were just so gung ho about it all.
But no one can keep up that pace forever. WB is right You are an entirely different woman than you were a year ago - and you should be very very proud of yourself . If you don't believe, go back and read some of your first posts. Betcha they were just like mine, pitiful.
You have grown so much. So just go grab yourself some chocolate, and don't listen to that silly little pms voice.
and all. We didn't argue at all throughout the 5 days that I was there. But this morning, felt really crap. Perhaps things were too good and I realised that it's not the truth?? That I am living in some la-la make believe land?? I don't know...
Could feel my flabs jiggling about... LOL.. Thankfully, I did lose some weight (thanks or is it supposed to be no thanks? to the sitch) and so did not really make a fool of myself. Danced a bit too.. Have to say was kinda fun. 
I am like where I started eons ago...