Really fed-up. Think I've come to the end of the road. I don't want to DBING anymore. I am not sure if my M is worth saving anymore. It's all a LIE. I don't wanna do it anymore. ....SOoooo sooo tired.
wow yo-yo, I know how frustrated you feel and I know what it's like to not want to DB because it can be mentally draining! Maybe you should take a break from DB for a while? Then when you feel more together so to speak you can come back with a fresh start?
and he was his stupid jokey self...I just can't stand all this sh!t!!!
Maybe he thinks having a sense of humor keeps things light - however irritating it really is.
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
PMS huh ~ well that must be the longest period in the history of mankind Mr yoyo may need some of those "snap out of it pills"
Maybe it is time for you to just cruise along for a while. Don't Db, but don't burn any bridges IYKWIM. You have been through so much and wah's lies/carrying on must be taking their toll.
PMS huh ~ well that must be the longest period in the history of mankind Mr yoyo may need some of those "snap out of it pills"
Maybe it is time for you to just cruise along for a while. Don't Db, but don't burn any bridges IYKWIM. You have been through so much and wah's lies/carrying on must be taking their toll.
ANy exciting plans for the weekend?
Libra September 23 - October 22 As Venus, planet of love and your ruling planet, draws near the end of her transit through your home and family sector, there is a sense of urgency that is made even more potent, by your emotional responses. When it comes to where you live and the decisions you’re making, you need to be listening to your heart, not your head. This is one time that Venus is going all out, even extending her stay by an extra 3 months, to make sure it works
Bow/Hellkat/ Kismet - Thanks for your words of encouragement...
I will post more but have only a couple of minutes before I run off to a meeting. Boys made me soooo mad yesterday night that I broke down, cried, screamed and blurted out "you daddy and I may be getting a divorce!". Boys were angry at first...Once I blurted out, I was like "oh [censored]! what have I done". I explained to them that "daddy and mommy are having some adult problems that we are trying very very hard to solve.If we can solve them, we may have to move to country x. If we can't, mommy and daddy may separate, and may divorce. It's not your fault. It's just adults have their problems...and we are trying very very hard to solve them. We both love you very very much." They had a lot of questions which I answered as truly as I could. They understood and calmed down. I did text H to tell him what I have done. He texted back. H: I respect you for telling them..but u didn't have to . we will solve our problems. I'll call them tomorrow. About half and hour later, he called me back and sounded calm. H: How come you told the boys? Me: They were really driving me sooo crazy that I just blurted out. H: I thought after telling the boys, it would be easier. But it is not. I feel worse. Me: WHy would you? I've already done the difficult part for you. Can't really remember what else..but didn't really want to talk. So ended the call.
This morning (Friday)...H did call to "just" talk to S8.
So, am still plodding along in my confused state. Or maybe not so confused...just laying low. I just can't think straight at this moment. On one hand, I am hoping and thinking that we will turn round and be a good H and father...but on the other hand, all the facts of him not able to give ow up is staring right up at my face!!! I am a very rational and logical person...and I look at all the evidence...really doesn't look positive... Can't think...
Boys made me soooo mad yesterday night that I broke down, cried, screamed and blurted out "you daddy and I may be getting a divorce!"
I know how you feel when it comes to trying to control your emotions in regards to your kids. We try to make things appear as though there is no problem between mommy and daddy for our kids sake. But deep down they know something is going on. The LBS that is the caretaker of the kids are carrying a heavier load than the WAS will ever know. I think you handled the situation wonderfully in explaining to your sons what was going on.
Hope you have a good weekend!
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
KDK ...Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I think the WAS will never really fully understand what we go through. They only think about themselves...such selfishness!!
Journalling... Friday... Major drama on Friday night...with H screaming at me and me crying in front of the kids. I was really really upset with H as he said "If you were nicer, cared more about the family and be more patient, I would have been back to the family earlier. But instead you kept pushing and pushing!!".
Can you imagine how upset I was? Other things that he said "I INVITED you over, and we could be happy, but instead you threw away things, kept her shoes and god knows what!"... again it's all my fault.
I couldn't take it and ended the call abruptly, and he did call and call again. I ignored the calls. But boys were still awake, and S8 finally took one of the calls. He actually told the father that "Mommy slept already!"... How sweet of him. He knew that I was upset and didn't want to talk to H. But I had to explain to him why I didn't want to speak to daddy...told him that sometimes adults are angry and there is no point of screaming at each other over the phone, so might as well both ppl calm down first.
Saturday... Still ignored H's calls. When I get any calls, I quickly pass the line to the boys. H called twice in the morning and also in the afternoon. Boys and I went out for pancakes, and H called again...this was very funny. S8 said "mommy has gone to the toilet"...then he passed the line to S6 and he said "actually, mommy didn't come. Grandma took us". I was laughing like crazy with their antics. Then S8 was like "hey...I said she went to the toilet"...then S6 said "oh..no..she went to the toilet".
WIth their recent "lies"...I had to explain to them that these are called "white lies" vs. "real bad lies" which they understood. In the night, S8 was talking to H and then think H asked for me and silly S8 asked "should I tell him a white lie?" which H definitely could hear..and H actually told S8 "Nevermind..just pass the phone to your brother.".
Sunday... Went for breakfast...and then did some banking. Explained to boys when I need to pay the mortgage etc etc. H called and again, let the boys just talk to him. After that, bought a lottery ticket and jokingly told S8 "If mommy wins this, I will bring you to Disneyland during the school holidays..". S8 looked at me and said "No mom. We pay the bank first!". I am sooooo proud of my boy!!
Then my mom took the boys to her home..had to travel out of state for work. On the way, spoke to my mentor... then my SIL called...and after that, I decided to stop my silent treatment on H. I subtly started the contact by sending him a text to tell him that boys are over with my mom. Then he did reply my text.
Did call me in the evening.... first thing he said was "boys are not here..there's no one to pass the phone to. LOL ". Later, more texts between us. I did ask him if we are going to Country X (boys and I) during school holidays. He replied yes...and to ask his mom to come along. Few text exchanges...and he said he will do the booking. So will see....
Monday... H did text and call me. So... will see what happens..
Oh...I think my mood really does get affected by my PMS. I realised my emotions are really haywire few days back... Now I am back to my DBING self...
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
I was really really upset with H as he said "If you were nicer, cared more about the family and be more patient, I would have been back to the family earlier. But instead you kept pushing and pushing!!".
yo-yo I certainly hope as long as you have been at this that you did not believe him - remember, it's much easier for them to place the blame to make 'themselves' look/feel better.
H asked for me and silly S8 asked "should I tell him a white lie?" which H definitely could hear..and H actually told S8 "Nevermind..just pass the phone to your brother.".
Mr yoyo may need some of those "snap out of it pills"
