KDK - Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I did go through the house and looking for her stuff. I didn't throw her shoes though....I did stomp on them. LOL... Kinda silly, I know. I bagged them up and put it in the store. Threw some of her fridge magnets.....really made me sooo bl@ody angry. H bringing to all these places. Can't really stand it. I am soooo sooo angry. Yes, on the surface, things look positive but he is still a bl@odyf@*king liar... I cannot believe that he could be such an @sshole. I know I know..losing focus of the overall big picture. But I don't want to live in a lie. Will elaborate in my journal. And yes, he has pictures of the boys in the house. There was one "collage" of pictures that has our family pix. But is no longer in the house. I asked him about it, he said he took it to work. Don't know...he may have hid it in the store room again. Cannot trust this man. Don't know who he is anymore.
Journalling.. Wednesday (continuation) Yes. H met with me for lunch. Had a pleasant lunch..with some R talk. Some of the things he said.. - If I want to send you the papers, I would have done it long time ago. - I will resolve all this. - End of March? That's too long. I am sure I can resolve way before that. - I said YES. You and the boys can be most important in my life.
Anyway, after lunch, did visit the spa for a scrub and a massage and then off to the airport for flight home. When I got home...I actually sent him a text "If you are committed and sincere to make things right, the next time you come back, I want u to bring every single thing that belongs to ow and return to her. And that includes her gifts to you. And when you come back, I want you to show me your boarding pass n ticket. Engouth of lies and monkeying around. This is non negotiable. Think I have been too nice. If you can't deliver, then let's just tell the boys n get over and done with. I am sooo tired." Then got a call from H. Our teleconvo went on fine....and then escalated to an argument with me crying and him screaming. (Told him that I knew about him coming back on Friday and feign sickness, and only coming to S6's birthday on Sunday...and am sooooo tired of all the lies. And you know what he said "I asked you to come over and you have to do all this" (meaning snoop). Yes...FELLOW DBERS... moral of the story if seriously DBING, DO NOT SNOOP. Really makes your ACTING AS-IF GO HAYWIRE!!!) I And then, we ended the call. Not long later, he called again, sounded much calmer. As usual, words words words.
This morning..(Thursday) Awakened by early morning call from H. Asked me about his tube of cream that I have thrown (looked empty). And then he asked "I noticed some of the magnets are missing. What did you do with it?" I answered with a "I don't know" a few times. He got fed up and said "Whatever. Bye". I texted him and told him that "I threw them away. HA HA HA". Got a call from him rather immediately...queried me about the magnets with "Why did you do that for blah blah blah?" Again some texting from me with "I knew you were gonna call me and snap me over the stupid magnets. blah blah blah". He texted back "I told you that I'm not mad about the magnets. I was just trying to understand the reason u did it. They are just magnets and frankly, i don't give a [censored]. So please don't misunderstand". Me " You have said many things...nice promises but your actions really don't match it. I am tired. I am very messed up. I need to hibernate from you for awhile" Then my phone rang. And again and again as I didn't pick up. Am feeling soooo confused that I really need to retreat into a cave to recollect my thoughts. I really don't know what to do now. So, best to retreat. I send him a text "Please don't waste money by calling. Don't want to talk. You take care. Bye". H " Just pick up the phone when I call u next. 2 minutes only and I'll be off the phone". Phone rang. And I didn't pick up. He called again...Didn't pick up. Half hour later, he called again...didn't pick up. Then a text from H " I'm trying to resolve one issue at a time. First..I just want to mend our R and I thought we were doing well lately. At least I can rest easy on our issues. Then I'll sort out things with her. I just have too many things in my mind now and I have to do it step by step. So please calm down. I WILL BE BACK WITH YOU & THE BOYS. Don't be messed up." I didn't reply. Then another text from H about his stupid nose and that he will call me later. I got into work, and H called. I picked up...and he was his stupid jokey self...I just can't stand all this sh!t!!! I told him that he sounded just like his son... made a mistake, and when I find out about it, the fault is mine... not the person who did the mistake. Basically told him that I really don't want to play his stupid game... and I really don't want to talk and break down at work. Blah blah balh. And then he said "I feel much better after talking to you....blah blah blah. " I really can't stand it!!! He is such a big fat liar. He really deserves an OSCAR!! I on the other hand, will not get an OSCAR. I am sooooooooo confused about this whole issue.. I can't think straight. I know DBING would be happy with all the POSITIVE baby steps. On the surface, all is well. He treats me well, cares for me...but beneath? He is leading two separate lives with LIES and LIES and LIES. I don't wanna live like this. I need to have a clear and calm mind. I don't want to be in denial. How can he be sincere and committed when he is still f@*king the b#tch? And feign illness??? That is a whole lot of baloney. And have the nerve to keep telling me that he is feeling "sh!tthy" for his breakup with her?? LIES and LIES and LIES. I did tell him that I can't trust him at all. All those visiting the schools are all bullsh!t... I really don't know this man anymore.
I really really need to go HIDE somewhere and be DARK.
Really fed-up. Think I've come to the end of the road. I don't want to DBING anymore. I am not sure if my M is worth saving anymore. It's all a LIE. I don't wanna do it anymore. ....SOoooo sooo tired.
I don't know if I will still think like this tomorrow.... you know me.. a real yoyo... The ride goes on... Let me take a day or two to ponder ....
