Thanks hellkat for dropping by... Think the ring bit will be awhile.... will wait and see.
Journalling... H texted this morning (sat) says he is not feeling well blah blah. I texted back "Hope you feel better. Will tell S5 that you won't be back" (Yup..was @ssuming!!) H texted back "Who says I won't be back?" He called awhile later... we chatted a bit and he said that he will take a later flight, and will either come back late tonight or early tomorrow morning.
In the afternoon, he texted again...saying that he will be in transit in Country Y, and will only fly back tomorrow morning. I replied and mentioned that it was really no point of him coming back for a few hours.. In at 9 pm and out at 4 pm??? He texted back and said he'll be back. Really don't know what the heck he is trying to do??? Anyway, texted again and asked if I want to go to Country X alone on Monday and back Wednesday...blah blah blah.. I sort of uh-ar . He said he was gonna get the tickets online. So, received a text from him a while back to tell me my flight is confirmed. But I haven't seen the confirmation from the airline to my email...so, am still a little skeptical... so, besides my skeptism...think it is a positive IF he really took the initiative to buy me a ticket to go to Country X... so, will see what happens..
Okay...Just checked the booking number that H gave me on the airline website. Yup...it is true. He did make the booking for me. Am flying off on Monday and back on Wednesday to Country X to visit him. Just me...without the boys... I did tell him what was I to do while he is at work. He said at night, we will f@*k all night long, and in the day, I could go for massages and do my nails.. Not to bad, I guessed. Will update when I am back from Country X...and see if my DBING efforts pay off.
KDU ??? WHere are you? You have been locked out...Give us an update...
YoYo...so glad to read the positives in your sitch! I think this is where you really have to bite your tongue and be patient and you are doing a great job. Yes, you and H need to create some wonderful memories now, that will help him as he breaks off with OW. Enjoy your trip, just focus on the good. Every good moment you have with H is something the OW cannot take away from you, and it works in your favor. Chances are she will become desparate very soon. I know it's difficult...but things sound good for you - keep it up!
Think the ring bit will be awhile.... will wait and see
funny you say that - I've had our rings back for almost 2wks and I've yet to bring them out - I want to wear them but I'm afraid of jinxing myself - silly eh?
now f-ing all night and massages all day sound like a treat to me!
I'm glad to see he's going to make it for the party! keep up with the PMA!
Kismet/VJ/Hellkat - Hiya guys...thanks for dropping by. Was a bit of a yoyo yesterday...will elaborate below... basically, on the surface, H looks and acts kinda normal. But beneath..I really don't know. I am quite confused...but since am not thinking well, I will continue to be nice and act dumb and DBING?? Let me journal..
Sunday... H came back to the house early in the morning. Yes..he made it back for S6's birthday. And left when the party ended. Seemingly ...looks like such a good daddy to come back just for the son's birthday. BUT...a big BUT... See Tuesday...
He called me on Sunday night...and then asked "err...should I put her stuff away? Don't want you to come over and see the stuff and get angry..". At first, I said "Yes" then I said "No..no..let me see what she has there"..... this went on abit and then we talked about all sorts of stuff... then towards the end, he sounded upset and i wanted to end the call...then he sort of said "no. I am not angry blah blah blah"...
Oh... spoke to my MIL and she said that H told SIL2 that he is going "back to the family". Well, I guessed the positive here amongst all the chaos is that he is telling ppl that...and now is to really make it happen.
Monday.. AM went to work, then headed off to the airport to catch my flight to Country X. Arrived. The driver picked me up and then off to the office to pick H up. Were supposed to go out for dinner. But then H changed his mind, and suggest that we go back and grill some chicken. We went to the supermarket to pick some stuff up, and then headed back. Put the chicken in the oven...and then headed off for our session . Then we had dinner, watched a little bit of tv and then went to bed. (BTW, during the TV watching.... H was out in the terrace a LOT! Smoking and on the phone....No..didn't query him. I just let it be)
Tuesday.. H headed off work early in the morning. Had about a 5 minute chat before he left. Basically, a whole mixture of stuff... told me to go have a look at the schools for the boys, but at the same time, using IFs a lot. As in "IF you and the boys move over blah blah ". He is still soooooo attached to this woman. I got abit teary eyed, and said "maybe you want us to just leave you alone, and you don't have to bother about us ever". To which he replied "No. It has to come from me". And he left for work.
Anyway, after he left the house, I was off snooping!! Yes! Bad bad yoyo!!! Found that he has stuffed some of my stuff away in the store (ow may see that I have been around?) but didn't really do all a good job. Though some of hair clips, vitamins and shoes were PUT AWAY in the store, some of my facial masks, parfume, creams were in the bathroom. Some of my clothes in the cupboard. (oh..deliberately left them there) So I am sure that ow must have seen it when she was here recently...according to the driver about 2 weeks back....with her whole gang of family! (Again...what is with these low lifes????) She also had some of her makeup and shoes around the place. Low life skank she is!! (Oh..I am sure she must have "discovered" some of her missing underwear when she was here!!!
Anyway, my snooping also yielded the fact that H actually was back in our home country on Friday the 17th of Feb. But he didn't even come home then nor on Saturday. He told me he was sick blah blah blah. So, this bit about coming back for S6's party was all a lie. Yup. what a bloody f*cking liar!!! I was fuming !!! On top of that, many times that he was back, he only stayed one night at home, i.e. the Saturday nights.. whereby he actually came home on Fridays and leaving on Mondays. So, loads of times he has been lying and lying and lying. WHY?? WHY?? This really tells me that he wants to have us and ow. I was really really fuming... I also found out that he applied for his ID card with HER home address. WHy would he do that if he is not planning on a long term R with her??? called my mom for advice but she had none. I was pacing up and down...but then kept calm...and thought to myself..okay..ACT to win an OSCAR!!! So, I went out to visit the schools in the city. (But I did call up my mentor and told him what I found out. His advice? To act dumb and pretended that I didn't find anything...and to go along with the school visits...)
WIth the visits to the schools, I periodically updating him via text messages. Basically, the problem is not with the school (Previously, H was using the excuse of "no vacancy" or "wrong timing" about the admissions), it is with H...him and his yoyo-ing not sure what he wants. Well, H was supposed to have lunch with me...but then got tied up with work, so had lunch on my own. Then went to do my nails (both pedi and mani) and also had a cream treatment on my hair! Then off to pick H up from work. He was very chirpy and inquired about my day blah blah blah. We went for dinner...wanted to wine and dine but the place was closed. SO ended up in a sort of pirates den with bbq stuff...which is okay. (I tell you, if it's not for my snooping, really cannot tell that this is an @sshole with a capital A and one big b@stard!!! He is still soooo helpful... He actually cut up my food! offered to peel my prawns!) Anyway, we talked a bit..and I did ask him "actually, who is the ow? is it me or her? My things are hidden, and hers are all over the place.." Idiot answered "well, actually you two are the ow...there's another one..LOL". Don't you think he is an @ss??? I also asked "What is your intention? Don't get angry..but someone saw you at the airport on Friday"...(yup, a lie on my side)... he was looking away a lot..and I said "hey, can you look at me? Maybe I should change places" and @sshole answered " I can look at you.. I am good. I can still lie looking at you...just can't manage to lie to the customer. Tried today and they told me not to bullsh!t" Basically, he said "I did tell her that I want to go back to the family. But we are still in contact". Can't really remember what else..didn't really touch on the topic much. I did ask him "how long? and suddenly you gonna tell me that she is pregnant?" H: Hai.. you have been saying that for so long, if that is true, would have delivered long time. Me; how I know? Maybe she will entrap you since you said that you've told her that you wanna go back to the family? So, it was an okay pleasant evening. No shouting matches so far.. so, is good right?
Went home, showered, had another session . Watched a bit of tv, me doing my sudoku. H ate supper and again out in the terrace smoking, talking on the phone... Nope, didn't query. Then went to bed.
This morning (Wed) H went off to work...and I asked if it was gonna be a long day... but he will try to have lunch with me today. BTW, I am going home today...so if he doesn't see me for lunch, then I won't see him for awhile...Before he left, did ask him again as to what he wants to do with the school holidays..he said "come over"..and then said "ask my mom if she wants to come"...so I guessed it is a positive? He asked ..."do you want me to book or you do it?" ...to which I said that I'll do it..(just in case that he takes his own sweet time and doesn't do it on time and we end up with no seats...)
So...that's it...will see if he has lunch with me.
Have done a few notti things....poured ow's nail polish away. Left one bottle intact (that's because I can't open the cover)...threw her NEW lipstick and lipliner. (Oh..she did look for some of her things... I asked H "what did you do with my clips? And he said "Don't know. Actually, she also asked me where her stuff were" HA HA HA...) Gonna go see what else I can throw!!!!
LOL, I couldn't help but laugh. I can just picture you going all through the house, finding OW's things, cursing, giving them a hateful look, and tossing them away. LOL! I would have done the exact same thing.
Things do seem to be on the positive upside when H flies you over to Country X. Does H have pictures of you and the boys in his house? If not, maybe the next time you are there how about having some pictures in frames placed here and there in the house
Happy Birthday to S6!
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
KDK - Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I did go through the house and looking for her stuff. I didn't throw her shoes though....I did stomp on them. LOL... Kinda silly, I know. I bagged them up and put it in the store. Threw some of her fridge magnets.....really made me sooo bl@ody angry. H bringing to all these places. Can't really stand it. I am soooo sooo angry. Yes, on the surface, things look positive but he is still a bl@odyf@*king liar... I cannot believe that he could be such an @sshole. I know I know..losing focus of the overall big picture. But I don't want to live in a lie. Will elaborate in my journal. And yes, he has pictures of the boys in the house. There was one "collage" of pictures that has our family pix. But is no longer in the house. I asked him about it, he said he took it to work. Don't know...he may have hid it in the store room again. Cannot trust this man. Don't know who he is anymore.
Journalling.. Wednesday (continuation) Yes. H met with me for lunch. Had a pleasant lunch..with some R talk. Some of the things he said.. - If I want to send you the papers, I would have done it long time ago. - I will resolve all this. - End of March? That's too long. I am sure I can resolve way before that. - I said YES. You and the boys can be most important in my life.
Anyway, after lunch, did visit the spa for a scrub and a massage and then off to the airport for flight home. When I got home...I actually sent him a text "If you are committed and sincere to make things right, the next time you come back, I want u to bring every single thing that belongs to ow and return to her. And that includes her gifts to you. And when you come back, I want you to show me your boarding pass n ticket. Engouth of lies and monkeying around. This is non negotiable. Think I have been too nice. If you can't deliver, then let's just tell the boys n get over and done with. I am sooo tired." Then got a call from H. Our teleconvo went on fine....and then escalated to an argument with me crying and him screaming. (Told him that I knew about him coming back on Friday and feign sickness, and only coming to S6's birthday on Sunday...and am sooooo tired of all the lies. And you know what he said "I asked you to come over and you have to do all this" (meaning snoop). Yes...FELLOW DBERS... moral of the story if seriously DBING, DO NOT SNOOP. Really makes your ACTING AS-IF GO HAYWIRE!!!) I And then, we ended the call. Not long later, he called again, sounded much calmer. As usual, words words words.
This morning..(Thursday) Awakened by early morning call from H. Asked me about his tube of cream that I have thrown (looked empty). And then he asked "I noticed some of the magnets are missing. What did you do with it?" I answered with a "I don't know" a few times. He got fed up and said "Whatever. Bye". I texted him and told him that "I threw them away. HA HA HA". Got a call from him rather immediately...queried me about the magnets with "Why did you do that for blah blah blah?" Again some texting from me with "I knew you were gonna call me and snap me over the stupid magnets. blah blah blah". He texted back "I told you that I'm not mad about the magnets. I was just trying to understand the reason u did it. They are just magnets and frankly, i don't give a [censored]. So please don't misunderstand". Me " You have said many things...nice promises but your actions really don't match it. I am tired. I am very messed up. I need to hibernate from you for awhile" Then my phone rang. And again and again as I didn't pick up. Am feeling soooo confused that I really need to retreat into a cave to recollect my thoughts. I really don't know what to do now. So, best to retreat. I send him a text "Please don't waste money by calling. Don't want to talk. You take care. Bye". H " Just pick up the phone when I call u next. 2 minutes only and I'll be off the phone". Phone rang. And I didn't pick up. He called again...Didn't pick up. Half hour later, he called again...didn't pick up. Then a text from H " I'm trying to resolve one issue at a time. First..I just want to mend our R and I thought we were doing well lately. At least I can rest easy on our issues. Then I'll sort out things with her. I just have too many things in my mind now and I have to do it step by step. So please calm down. I WILL BE BACK WITH YOU & THE BOYS. Don't be messed up." I didn't reply. Then another text from H about his stupid nose and that he will call me later. I got into work, and H called. I picked up...and he was his stupid jokey self...I just can't stand all this sh!t!!! I told him that he sounded just like his son... made a mistake, and when I find out about it, the fault is mine... not the person who did the mistake. Basically told him that I really don't want to play his stupid game... and I really don't want to talk and break down at work. Blah blah balh. And then he said "I feel much better after talking to you....blah blah blah. " I really can't stand it!!! He is such a big fat liar. He really deserves an OSCAR!! I on the other hand, will not get an OSCAR. I am sooooooooo confused about this whole issue.. I can't think straight. I know DBING would be happy with all the POSITIVE baby steps. On the surface, all is well. He treats me well, cares for me...but beneath? He is leading two separate lives with LIES and LIES and LIES. I don't wanna live like this. I need to have a clear and calm mind. I don't want to be in denial. How can he be sincere and committed when he is still f@*king the b#tch? And feign illness??? That is a whole lot of baloney. And have the nerve to keep telling me that he is feeling "sh!tthy" for his breakup with her?? LIES and LIES and LIES. I did tell him that I can't trust him at all. All those visiting the schools are all bullsh!t... I really don't know this man anymore.
I really really need to go HIDE somewhere and be DARK.
Really fed-up. Think I've come to the end of the road. I don't want to DBING anymore. I am not sure if my M is worth saving anymore. It's all a LIE. I don't wanna do it anymore. ....SOoooo sooo tired.
I don't know if I will still think like this tomorrow.... you know me.. a real yoyo... The ride goes on... Let me take a day or two to ponder ....
H called me again just after lunch. To talk about his meeting (WTF?? WHy do I care??). I told him that I didn't want to talk. And I am at work. Blah blah blah. Then I sent him a text that basically told him that I needed some time to recollect my thoughts as I am feeling very confused and messed up. And guessed what the idiot say? He replied "There is no reason for u to be messed up. I'm sure it is your period.We go thru this phase once a month!!! Heeee ".
He thinks it is my PMS that I am feeling this way??? I think he is still waaaaay up high in space. Don't I have feelings about my H's continuous f*cking R with this stupid f*cking skank ???? I need to space out a bit. Over and out...till I can think straight.
Hang in their. You are a truly special woman and your husband could lose a great item. You are a flower who is blooming but don't let your buds get blown away. (Anger) Stay strong.
Bow
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
Enjoy the day!
