Some updates...in short. H told ow that he feels bad leaving the boys and want to go back to the family. BUT now, he is feeling sh!tty and is mighty unsure... loads of sadness, self-pity etc etc from this @sshole. More later..
I guess it is time for Mr. Yoyo to walk the walk now and not just talk the talk. Poor thing if it is hard for him for a change he has had it all easy till now, what about what you have been through. Telling OW might not be easy but if he wants the family then it shouldn't be that hard and after all he created the sitch not you.....
Goodluck Yoyo and i will be keeping a close eye on you...Kim
Kismet/KDU - Thanks for checking on me. Will drop by into your threads in a while.
Journalling.. H told me (over the phone) on Sunday, 5th Feb that he had told ow a couple of days back about him feeling bad about leaving the boys and wanting to go back to the family.Blah blah blah. Said that ow understood.
Monday (6th) - H and I had a very very long phone discussion (about 1 1/4 hours) about us, our R, ow etc. (Btw, this was after our phone s@x session ???!!!???) He started off with "I know you don't want to hear this as you said that you are not my friend. But I need to talk to you as I have no one to talk to". I was very composed that night. Spoke to him like a friend. Gave some insights as a "third person" looking from the outside (with a bit of biase of course...) Eventually, some emotions did creep out of me towards the end of our convo. Loads of info came out of H about him lying to ow as well, about her joining him in London, and even promised to marry her end of this year!!!! At one point, H even said "she is in a worse position than you. For you, you've expected the worse. But for her, all this while, she thought things were hanky-dory and out of the blue, I spring this on her. See, I've lied to her more than I've lied to you". I know..he is an @ss!!! A whole load of stuff came out of H that night, like he felt that he would be happier with her blah blah blah. I could take this in a very negative way, but I guessed it could be positive that he is sharing his feelings with me?
Anyway, the next couple of days were spent him either texting or telling me that he is feeling sh!tty. Then on Friday, I get a text from him to ask me to go do the brazilian!!??!!
Anyway, H came back on Saturday (11th). As usual, picked him up from the hotel. Had a couple of drinks at the hotel bar. Flirted. Had a bit of fun in the car park ??!!?? Then went home. H said his hellos and kisses to the boys...and we were on to our business... Made dinner (having my MIL over for dinner), and then was gonna let H take the boys to their badminton coaching session on his own. But H insisted that I go along. So, I did. He was quite involved, played individually with both boys, and even the coach!!! Went home, and had dinner. H didn't really talk to my MIL. Supposed to have a poker game later that night. So, as he was sorting out the cards, I asked him "so how is it now?" H: ending soon Me: With her or with me? H: with her obviously...since I have not presented you with papers. Didn't pursue further. Later, he decided to cancel the poker game, and we spent quite some time talking in bed...at one point, he said "Did I tell you that she is a xyz?" Me: huh? Who? H: She .. Me: Huh? (Was actually very engrossed in my Sudoku ..he he he) H: ow. Me: Oh...am I supposed to go "WOW??" H: NO. Just telling you. Isnt' it good that I am sharing stuff with you?
Next morning, nothing much. Did the usual . Then, Went out breakfast with the boys and returned home. H played games with the boys, and then lounged about. We were talking again and at one point, I asked Me: So...you haven't answered me. What is your type of woman? ow type? H: Like you! Just that I kinda deviated towards ow-type and needs to find the path back. Blah blah blah (said this in a joking way)
H: Figured that ending with her would be easier than going out to find a lawyer etc etc. Me: well, you could ask ow to do it for you. H: How? I was supposed to be separated from you months ago. Me: what...separated as with all paperwork done? H: Didn't go into that detail.
Another thing is said.. H: ow is very meticulous...plans every single detail in a spreadsheet format, even for leisure travel. Let me send you the spreadsheet. Me: What for? I am not going to be like her. H: I send it to you...maybe some time down the road, we can look back on this and laugh about it. M: So, you think she had all her wedding guest list planned?? H: (Think he just laughed at this!!) Along the topic of him travelling with ow to places etc etc, H did comment "if things go well, we will take a long holiday together " (yes...yes, the IF comes in again) Oh..one thing he said about ow "maybe newness is wearing off..."
Anyway, he left just after noon.
This morning, H did make the first contact. Texted me about something trivial...and then at work, he did IM me. Wished me "Happy Valentines". Again, saying things that "he needs to sort things out". I commented that his sorting out is like a tortoise, no like a snail...and he commented "It is better than nothing, right?" . I guessed he is right there.
Some positives...but still hard to say. Will have to see how it goes. He will be back again next week for S5's birthday party...S5 turning 6!!!
Observed Positives - Much more involved with the boys - More affectionate (hugs in the night...and a kiss when he left) - Verbalize more about ow (a positive ??? don't know yet...)
Things sound very positive in your sitch right now. Some of the things H shared with you about OW are some of the things my H shared with me after breaking it off with her. He was not as depressed as he was in the past when he "broke up" with her. He would tell me things about her and actually shared a lot of her negatives too. Let me give you my two cents here: don't be surprised if there is some little contact with OW after it ends. I know they are supposed to break it off completely by most affairs are not text book affairs when ending it.
Hang in there. It sounds as though the fog is beginning to lift a little off H.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Wow Yoyo ~ lots of positive stuff there. Mr yoyo does sound like he is finally starting to get it Hang in there Brazilian ~ ouch. It better work out after that sacrifice
don't be surprised if there is some little contact with OW after it ends. I know they are supposed to break it off completely by most affairs are not text book affairs when ending it. KDK - H actually does acknowledge that ow still calls him, and that they still talk, or as per his exact words yesterday "actually, we have been arguing a lot lately". So, definitely not surprised that this is not a text book breakup.
Brazilian ~ ouch. It better work out after that sacrifice I have to say that it hurts like h@ll but the was rather fun. I have to say that I felt kinda sexy (but definitely not while the brazilian is executed. Felt kinda grossed out.... )
Journalling... From my last post, H called me about 7 pm in the evening, told me that he had just talked to boys and asked how come I am not back yet. Blah blah blah ..ended with "call you tomorrow".
Got home, sorted boys out for bed...and as I was going into the shower, home phone rang. It was H. Long convo. Very light and humourous although it involved H's R with ow. Made some fun about it all. SOme parts of our convo...not in order. Me: You have been lavishing on ow..and here I am scrimping... H: How do you know that I have been lavishing on her? Couldn't it be her lavishing on me instead? Me: In that case, ask her to lavish on me too...my Prada handbag is kinda in a bad shape. Tell her I need a new one. H: (Chuckling away....)
Me: So, what do you do at night? One hand holding her photograph, and the other the phone talking to her. And simultaneously kissing her photograph and whisper I LOVE U, I MISS U... H: Hey..crazy... I am not soo mushy, okay? Me: That's what whirlwind romance are supposed to be... lots of I love u etc etc. Your letters to me used to have 10 I love Us... H: Really? Guessed I am not so romantic these days. Actually, we have been arguing a lot these days.
Me: Actually, what is your plan? H: To break up with ow permanently Me: So..what is the status.. H: You just keep quiet. You are very noisy. You have been with me for sooo long, so just be with me a little longer.. (Don't really know what that means)
H: One of these trips back, I will take back my wedding ring. Me: Heard that before....like 4 months ago. H: Just keep quiet.. Me: So, does that mean that you are gonna return her stuff? H: Yup Me: What? You bringing them back with you? Or she is going to make a trip to country X? H: Of course I bring it back. Can't exactly ask her to come over for the break-up, right? Me: I would I know you? Maybe you wanna have a final sc@ew??
Anyway, after our convo...went shower. Heard phone rang again. WHen I came out...missed call from H. Sent him a text "Why? Miss my humour? ...in the shower..."
And H called me back immediately...just to tell me something very very trivial...Said our good nights.
This morning..TUesday.. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!! H did call me early in the morning...before I start work to wish me Happy Valentine's Day.
Later, he texted me to just vent about work... So, another day...
Hello Hellkat, Thanks for dropping by. No, H is not living with me right now. He's got a job in a foreign country. So, we (boys and I) sort of see him about once a week or once a fornight over the weekends. Am plodding along cautiously.
Journalling... From my last post...nothing much happening. H has not been back to the country. H has been calling at least twice a day to talk to the boys and I every day. Sounded quite jovial a couple of days back. But last night, he sounded kinda down. Did text him to check if he was okay. He said he was fine. I have to admit that a whole lot of @ssumptions were swirling in my mind...is he thinking of ow? is he wanting to go back? Should I tell him to go to ow? ...but then remembered DR...there is one verse that mentions "do not second guess that he wants to go back to ow".... so, I stopped. Am telling myself to not focus on H's moods. I have to just look at the positives and focus on the boys. Shouldn't ask him anything...don't want to open a can of worms. I guessed when he is ready to take any action (good or bad), I am going to see it. So no point being impatient now...especially I have been so patient for so long. H will be coming back to tomorrow...for S5's birthday party on Sunday. S5 turns 6!!! Have to start using S6 now. Will see how things go.... I have been trying to use bits of WOA. Did that on Wednesday, when I texted him to tell him that boys really enjoyed the game with him last Saturday. And instantly, he called me back and said that he will play with the boys every week...provided he comes back to the country. So... this is a good positive. The last WOA that I did was when I told him that "makes a difference that he calls the boys every day"...and he has been doing so without fail for about 2 months now. So, think this WOA kinda works. I will see if tmrw's game transpires... then it will confirm that this WOA is one of H's LL. Then, will have to subtly use it more often.... needs to up the love units in the love bank???
Positives... * H calling boys every day * H calling me every day * H making the effort to come back for S5's birthday party * H staying in the house each time he is back, for the last 2 months.
I guessed one of the key indications that my M is going the right direction is when H wears back his wedding ring. He mentioned on Monday that he will wear his wedding ring in a few weeks time....So, will see if this happens..(have to say that I am cautious and skeptical....) But will have to pretend that all is well. As most of the DBers say, ACT AS-IF and don't wait for the other shoe to drop???
but then remembered DR...there is one verse that mentions "do not second guess that he wants to go back to ow".... so, I stopped. Am telling myself to not focus on H's moods. I have to just look at the positives and focus on the boys. Shouldn't ask him anything...don't want to open a can of worms. I guessed when he is ready to take any action (good or bad), I am going to see it. So no point being impatient now...especially I have been so patient for so long.
I agree focusing on 'his' moods is not the way to go because it will only effect yours and like you said thinking positive is the only way to go!!
I hope he makes it for S's bday! and hopefully he'll take that ring!
???!!!???) He started off with "I know you don't want to hear this as you said that you are not my friend. But I need to talk to you as I have no one to talk to". I was very composed that night. Spoke to him like a friend. Gave some insights as a "third person" looking from the outside 
(with a bit of biase of course...) Eventually, some emotions did creep out of me towards the end of our convo. Loads of info came out of H about him lying to ow as well, about her joining him in London, and even promised to marry her end of this year!!!! At one point, H even said "she is in a worse position than you. For you, you've expected the worse. But for her, all this while, she thought things were hanky-dory and out of the blue, I spring this on her. See, I've lied to her more than I've lied to you". I know..he is an @ss!!! A whole load of stuff came out of H that night, like he felt that he would be happier with her blah blah blah. I could take this in a very negative way, but I guessed it could be positive that he is sharing his feelings with me? 
Hang in there 
Brazilian ~ ouch. It better work out after that sacrifice