Quote: I don't know what it is about your thread but even when you're down, I still sense a silver lining all around you. You are blessed.
I am blessed. I would not have made it to this point if it weren't for that.
Yesterday my counselor, who as I said before was a very spiritual woman told me that in general when she goes home for the day she 'forgets' all the things she has talked about with her various clients. It's part of her ability to 'partition' her real life from her clients lives so she doesn't absorb their hurt.
But, she said, "I find myself thinking about you often and the things we talk about." She keeps saying that I'm 'not like other people and I never will be.' That I need to stop running away from who I am. It's a slow self discovery.
I guess my DB story is part DB, part self realization. Maybe that's why I'm here, to share that with you.
I still sometimes sit quietly and think about where I was in October, the despair of my life as it was during the past many years, the hurt of being abandoned by the only person I trusted. Picking myself up and supporting myself, and my W and my kids during all this. Reaching out for help, something very foreign to me.
Where am I now? I'm at the end, and at the beginning.
My life, as it was, is over. That person is gone forever. That marriage is gone forever.
My life, as it is, is now beginning. I know my daughters now, I am learning to know the person who my wife is becoming and she is trying to figure out how I fit into her life now. And, maybe we'll start a new marriage together. Or maybe not. But either way I will be ok.
I'm clear on my mission in life. I'm figuring out how to accomplish it. I have learned how to give, without losing myself. I can support others again.
The other day I told my wife that I wasn't afraid of death, but that I would feel guilty when I die. The reason I would feel guilty is because I know there would be sadness, and I don't want to hurt anybody. So, I'll live as long as I can.
