Quote: Do you ever think that maybe you should take all your love and give it to someone else who has been in your shoes and is looking for someone like you to cherish and would give their right arm for a guy like you?
Yes. Many times. Especially during the 'I'm in love with OM and I want a divorce and you suck' period of this adventure I'm in.
Remember when OM seemed to be fading out and suddenly he's back, and talking about moving to California? Read the 'back in love again, I'm done' on 1/19 at 10:04 am found HERE I was ready to give up, there had to be something better than this. But, Amy and others convinced me not to.
Quote: I see all you are giving and I am trying to do the same but I am feeling today like what is the point. Bad day today, is their something to say about just moving on?
Shark, your situation is different than mine in that you don't have the added complexity of an affair and the crazy 'in love' feelings to deal with. In my case I couldn't really even DB until the affair ended. She just could not SEE me. Sh*t man, I have been so far down, so empty, I am amazed I have lasted this out this long.
You're a strong man as is obvious by the things you say. BUT lack of patience is a problem we all have. I want this fixed TOMORROW.
DID YOU READ DIVORCE REMEDY? You will understand WHAT is going on if you do. And I HIGHLY recommend 'The Superior Man'. But you have to read it a few times and discuss it with someone who has read it to get the true meaning of some of the concepts. I know I did.
Quote: Transfer some of that strength over here with words if you can. Just not sure today I am doing the right thing. Wife filed pr-liminary papers, does not wear ring, No OM but no talk R or us. 2 months into S and i dont see light and dont feel I will becasue of the things she has done.
Shark, compared to some other situations, I really think your wife has done very little and has left big open doors. I mean, basically she's moved out and said a lot of 'classic' WAW stuff, filed some papers that are, well, just PAPERS and acting like everything is fine.
You, like me, are resisting having to change yourself and do EVERYTHING you do with her DIFFERENTLY.
you said THIS on your thread:
Quote: You know something very interesting:
When I chase my wife she gets strong and pulls away. When I get strong and pull away she acts different. There is a pattern emerging over the past 2months of this. During this time frame I have had two episode of weakness that lasts for about 3 – 5 days and during this time she is very strong in her move. But during the time in between she calls me or emails me for weird stuff and usually it’s about the kids. Oh and the funny thing, I am DB’ing and I always try to get off the phone first so I end up saying goodbye at least 3 times before we finish. She always has something else to say or ask me.
I read this and think to myself 'she has her fantasy that Shark will always be there. Shark is doing the right things to DB and attempt to let her have "what she want's" and disconnect from her and when he does, she comes back towards him. Sounds like she isn't QUITE done with Shark now is she?
Maybe not having him at her beck and call doesn't feel so good. I wonder why? Spitfire once told me that if a woman WANTS a divorce she will make a plan, and then not want ANYTHING to do with him when she executes the plan. I'm not seeing that here.
Shark, I know I want to stay the same, say 'hey you should love me!' and it's all better. BUT she left 'the same' and wants 'something different'. So, YOU have to change to 'something different'. And you know what? You really do WANT to change because 'the same' sucked for you too!
I'd trade my situation with yours any day, believe me. You have lots of hope. Way more than I had for a long time. You just need to do the work, and open your eyes.
DB'ing DOES work as long as there is something salvagable. You are a long ways from done. Do the work. Would you read a book on investment or economics or something else you needed to understand to do your job better? This is no different. Your life requires some investment but the rules are different than the stock market, and you'll have to learn the rules, and the skills to do the work. Otherwise, you'll lose your job.
