Quote: Don't get your hopes up, but relax and enjoy - it seems that you have a lot to enjoy now, so just do it. No strings, no hopes, no attachments. Just enjoyment
Well, ONCE doesn't mean there will be more. Remember, it's supposed to be JUST SEX. There is a lot going on emotionally with her, the crying and all. She said SHE didn't know why she was crying at her peaks.
Hey, after all I've been through I'm going to stay calm and be patient.
Quote: I am going to be praying for you two fervently, without ceasing.
Thank you Amy! I'm scared to have hope. Like I said, my cup is EMPTY. Also, this weekends 'event' has no phone access so I can't call even if I want to.
Quote: The tenderness you show her, the respect you give her, the faith you have in her, the patience you have had, the dignity, the cute ways you tease each other, the playfulness, the history....the healing...the hope...that's what got you where you were yesterday with your wife, Frank. And that's what is going to turn her heart back to you. And I think she is going to find out that she has loved you all along.
Oh Amy, you just got me crying my eyes out here! I am Sooo empty right now. I have used everything I have to heal everyone around me and get them through this. If it wasn't for the times I talk to Spitfire on the phone I'd lose it for sure.
And you just described who I am. Who I really am. I would do most of those things for ANYBODY, not just my wife. I've been so lost for so long, and I MISS me. The strength, the confidence, my belief that if you give love and kindness, you'll receive. The 'knowing' and being able to lift someone else out of their sadness, out of their lostness in their own lives. That's what I miss. I work in technology, but it's not who I am. It's just one of my gifts but not the most important one. I have helped so many others find their true skills, build their confidence, grow. But nothing for myself.
When I left my Counselors the other day, I was pretty emotional because on that day I knew who I was, and I finally accepted it. Remember, she is an MFCC and pretty much has every meaningful degree and experience. But she also counsels people on the spiritual level. As she likes to say, "I help pick up fallen angels".
Well, she said this to me, and I didn't really want to share it with anyone, but Amy I think you already know it.
I'm paraphrasing here...
She said: "When I first met you 2 years ago I saw where you were at, beaten up, feeling so empty, running away from YOU.
I knew who you really were right then. I saw it in you. I've never worked with someone that I've prayed for so much and put my self, my spirit into so much. I knew you were different. And you know who you are now, don't you? And you're done running away from that."
She said: "You are like me. We heal people. I do it in my office here every day, and you do it out there, in the World. You just didn't know you were doing it and you had no boundaries, so you gave all you had away. Now you're getting it back. I told you this was a spiritual journey and you're there."
It's only been 3 months but it feels like 3 years, or 5 years and I guess in a way it has been. You know what I've been through the past 5 years, and what W's done in 3 1/2 months and what I've had to deal with, holding up my family and my wife during Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, while she has EA/PA, while pulling my own self out of a 5 year depression, stopping drinking to 'feel better' and on and on and on. Giving Giving Giving.
I think it's hard enough to DB when you're at least 'ok' with your life. But recovering from years of depression drinking, self hatred, lostness at the same time, well, it's been hard. And I don't cry enough.
I KNOW I'm almost done rebuilding Frank. I was determined from the first day this began and I think I made it to this point in my growth 'just in time'. Another few weeks of this and I would have broken and said or did something irreversible.
No matter what happens, I will be alright. Actually, more than 'alright'. I'm back to fulfilling my higher purpose.
So, my journey has been more than DB'ing. It's been a lot of self discovery. I hope people don't think I'm crazy, well, because I AM!
I understand where you have been, too, Frank. I understand the spiritual walk, the rediscovering of yourself, the healing. It's a hard walk but so much better at the end when you get to look back and just think "WOW!, Look how far down I was and look at me now". We don't do it on our own and it's no 'accident' either, this healing. Not everyone gets "better". Not everyone learns from their mistakes. That's because of the paralyzing fear that comes along with change. Some run forever from it. Some finally have enough of the garbage and turn the mirror around and see what needs to change. Nothing changes in our lives until we change from the inside out.
I am amazed at this journey, aren't you? Would you say are experiencing THE single most difficult episode of growth you have EVER experienced? I know I am and I am constantly in awe. But even in the middle of the storm, I can say I was blessed.
It maybe over used on your thread Frank but thank you for your honesty it is helping many of us just reading your post! And thank you Amy your words as usual hit home and make a person feel better!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Oh, why is it that you don't love yourself, too, as deeply, as patiently, as unconditionally as you love everyone else? Why do you feel it's there for everyone BUT you? It IS there for you. You may feel empty but you are FULL of love. You don't have to work for it, you don't have to make it happen, you don't have to DO anything, or look for it outside of yourself. It just IS. It's already in your heart, Frank. Your C was right about you being a healer because she SAW it inside of you...turn that great love you already have inside right towards yourself and you will see.
May you find this truth and healing for Yourself. For Frank
Quote: AmyC am amazed at this journey, aren't you? Would you say are experiencing THE single most difficult episode of growth you have EVER experienced? I know I am and I am constantly in awe. But even in the middle of the storm, I can say I was blessed.
It wasn't apparent in the beginning and even duriong the affair, the hurting times. But now, no matter the final outcome I will know that I have been blessed byt the experience.
Quote: Tim297181 It maybe over used on your thread Frank but thank you for your honesty it is helping many of us just reading your post! And thank you Amy your words as usual hit home and make a person feel better!
Tim, I get the feeling that I say things that others are feeling but can't put into words. Is that the best way to describe it?
Quote: Kaly, Oh, why is it that you don't love yourself, too, as deeply, as patiently, as unconditionally as you love everyone else? Why do you feel it's there for everyone BUT you?
i felt that because since I hade no boundaries I didn't know when to keep any for me. Also, until I was 18 nobody ever atually SAID they loved me. Or hugged me either. I learned how to give but never learned how to receive. Now I have boundaries and keep some for myself.
Quote: You may feel empty but you are FULL of love. You don't have to work for it, you don't have to make it happen, you don't have to DO anything, or look for it outside of yourself. It just IS. It's already in your heart, Frank. Your C was right about you being a healer because she SAW it inside of you...turn that great love you already have inside right towards yourself and you will see.
I'm feeling a little empty right now because I have been giving so much, especially the last 3-4 days with breakdowns of W, of D10, of the famliy in general. I got them all 'ok' again but I need a recharge time which I probably won't get this weekend. But I will get reconnected to my soul. Even though I feel 'empty' I DO know , like you said, there is a limitless supply of love and I can tap it. But it's not always easy to connect to it. But now I know how, and that it IS possible.
I also wanted to mention that after I finished my earlier long post, my AOL IM popped up from a firend I hardly chat with but we've known each other for years. He told me that a mutual friends son, 16, was killed in a car accident today. He had just got his license, and a new car in december and was speeding down a back road in Norther NY state and lost it on some ice and hit a tree at in excess of 60-70. HIs friend who was with him is also dead. The reports say that it was probbaly his own fault.
The friends, Al and April tried and tried for 6 years to have a kid, and were disappointed so many times with miscariages and othe problems. When they finally had him they were so happy. And they spoiled him.
I could feel their pain, and see them in my minds eye, blaming themselves, unbelief, grief, hurt. I cried for about an hour for them. No matter what our pain is, the loss of a child is the greatest pain there is.
Thank you for the update. I am a little late to the game, but I really thing this is one of those "live in the moment" times and judge by actions, not words. You are doing a great job being Frank, and understanding what that means. I think all of us here are really just trying to get to that point. You are so close. Your W is noticing. She can't help it. I am just so happy that you got a few minutes of happiness that brought you back to a place with your W where all was good. I know I pray for those moments with my W and none would compare to ML with her again. It can be just sex to one or both of you, but it is no doubt a connection to something that is powerful and undeniable. I wish you more of it in whatever form it takes.
