Re GeekSpeak My moonlighting job has picked up quite a bit which helps to pay the bills, but constantly puts me on the mat as to whether I am going to spend family time or get my work done. Geek, this is one thing that eventually lead to less and less sex between BB and me.
Well, I'm wrong. That's not it at all. After a 30 minute discussion she finally tells me that I have not spent any time with her this week. She cannot have sex without feeling an emotional bond to me. Same story here Geek, different woman, different date.
The problem is that I end up post-poning everything in my life and hanging out with her for two weeks (shopping, digging up rocks, whatever...) the whole while being paranoid about whether I am the cool loving guy she would want to have sex with. And then bamm... two weeks go by... no sex, I'm stressed over all the stuff I haven't gotten done... I feel like your twin sometimes.
maybe I should find someone who would be interested in at least looking at the list and saying "well, I could do that and that I wish that would happen too. But I am still trying to fix me and the R.
Suggestions. Spend less money and do less after hrs work. That is what I would have changed about my old life.
Would it have helped? I don't know. I do know I don't have much to show for all of those extra hours I worked. The more money I made, the more I/she spent.
I have a friend that did what I am suggesting and his relationship with his w and family are better than mine. Was it a difference in time/money or a difference in the people involved? I don't know how much time/money played but if I had a "re-set on life button" I would push it and play the next round working less and doing with-out some things. FWIW.
2. the kids grow up, I retire, we can't stand being around each other = divorce
3. the kids grow up, I retire, my sex drive drops, we enjoy being around each other. 4. the kids grow up, I retire, we spend time together and her sex drive increases, we enjoy being around each other.
5. the kids grow up, I retire, we spend time together and my sex drive drops, her sex drive increases, we cant stand being around each other.
6. Something else happens and it is all a mystery. This is what happens the most.
At any time in our discussions if it becomes heated she will tell me to pack my bags almost the same thing here Geek. I said she could leave anytime. The next day ot two I had a unclothed woman in my bed at 6 AM. It was BB.
She even went so far as to says "you know how you want to feel like I understand your needs and when you feel they are neglected you want me to respond and work on it with you and make you feel like we are a team working on it together...well, that's how I feel about time with you..." Way to go Geek.
About that bi-polar thing. How about a change to celf centered when she feels neglected ( a lot of the time). I think that is what is happening in my R with BB.
I just wanted to let you know how it feels after 38 years of marriage and help you before you make some of the mistakes I made or to help you see what some R look like like down the road.
Most of what you posted is similar to my situation.
for some reason, I've posted twice and each time it looks like it "took" only to find out later that it is not there...
So, let me try again and update everyone/respond to posts.
CORRI: "There ain't not show to go back to, and you've got lots of work to do... but you did do SOME good... I'll give you that... "
What I meant by this was not that I'm done working on it... instead, I was telling the board that I'm done venting... I'm focused on the task and back to work on the issues again... I wanted to let everyone know they do not need to worry about me right now.
I stopped off at the book store a few days ago to look at relationship books. Wife has suggested we need to hit the books again and remember some relationship skills we are getting lazy about. I spotted a book that sounded VERY familiar. It was a PHD that came to our church a few years back and gave an excellent talk. I attended it (wife had another committment) and was really in tune with what he was saying. The title is rather scary to a "low drive" person... it's called "Sex starts in the Kitchen" - of course, they always put a catchy title on a book to get your attention. What the book is about is basically developing a day-long love affair with your partner rather then ignoring them for a week and then expecting them to be intimate with you. It really deals a lot with QUALITY TIME. Which is just what my wife was needing. So, I got the book and told my wife I picked up a book - she actually said "I look forward to reading it too" (I had not told her the title yet). Yesterday, I brought up the book and told her what the title was she smiled and said - "this should certainly appeal to you" - she meant it in a funny connecting with me kind of way so I just smiled back at her. She said she looks forward to reading it and remembers the author and has heard nothing but good things about him.
Next topic: I ask wife what "Quality Time" means to her and she said it's not about the Quantity... it's about the Quality. She said it's when I am "in tune" with her and the family. When I have a sense of what is going on in the life of the family and mentally participate.
And for those of you who think I am sticking my face in a computer for extreme hours and avoiding wife/family. It is not that way. I only do computer work when everyone else is involved and basically doing their thing (watching their favorite tv show, etc). I even pop out every 30 minutes or so and chat with everyone to see how things are going. When my wife gets ready for bed I shut everything down and go to bed at the same time she does.
Well, that's the update. I hope this posts goes in this time...
Good job on the book choice. I recently picked up an excellent book called "The Fine Art of Erotic Talk" by Bonnie Gabriel which covers all sorts of intimate speech (not just "talking dirty") and I think really can help people formulate words of affirmation that will be meaningful to their mate. Check it out.
