Quote: any conflict with her is going to lead to yelling and then her saying "get out"
So? It's just words. You look her square in the eye and say "I'm not going anywhere; this is my home."
Quote: Yes, I am saying that if I drew boundaries she would NOT tolerate it.
Well, what would she do? I mean, really? Is she going to leave? Her telling you to take it or leave it is, again, nothing. It's just words. You don't have to accept it as is, or leave. There are other options. And that's exactly what I would respond to those awful inflammatory words.
Quote: She would probably say that she is the one participating in the marriage and I am mentally absent.
I would say that if you spend the majority of your time with your computer instead of hanging out with her, that she might have a valid case on this one, don't you think? I see in later posts that she told you her love language is quality time. Excellent. Now you have a starting point! I know it will be hard to meet her needs with your tank on empty, but someone's gotta start the whole process and you, dear guy, are it.
Keep the lines of communication open. Tell her that you will do your best to spend time with her and these (xyz) are the ways you will do it. In the meantime, wife, I hope that you can find it in yourself to meet some of my needs as well.
End the conversation looking strong and manly in her eyes. Do not back down from her--women find this extremely unattractive.
