well, more update. She came back and was as cold as she could be. We only had about 20 minutes to talk before I needed to run D10 to an appointment. So, we were alone and I tried to get her talking. Finally she started to talk and it was pretty obvious that she is just angry. She wants to be angry and there is nothing I can really say to stop it. No matter how I try to get her to see that it is unfounded she just WANTS to be mad at me. It's like she is pushing me be mad at her.
I think this goes back to my previous post. I really think she knows that this is her issue and she wants to throw it on me. We have busy lives (and these are all schedules and appointments that SHE HAS SET UP). Why is it that I am now getting raked over the coals because I'm busy. We have gone out. I have made an effort to spend time with her.
She said that there was a time when she felt I was giving 100% and now she feels like I'm not. I really don't see any different in the way I have been acting or feeling toward her. She is the one who suddenly had her schedule triple and fill up. I can't get a moment with her because she ALSO Has a full schedule.
So, I just kept asking her "what do you want from this?" "what is your goal?" "where do you want this to go...?" and she just kept snapping at me and never answering the question.
It's at times like these that I really start weighing the marriage. Gee, on one side we have nice home, kids, decent budget WITH minimal sex life, fighting, stress. On the other side we have divorce, no money, visitation with kids, possibility of meeting a woman that enjoys the same thing I do!!!!!
One time my wife said "you know, I have no doubt you could meet a woman that enjoys sex and have a great time together... that's just not me and you need to accept that."
I was reading some posts over at ivillage.com just to torture myself. It was in the "hot to make it hotter" section where all these men and women are talking about techniques and things to do to make their sex life better - of course they have a willing partner who is enjoying this just as much as them. I was thinking... I can't even get my wife to READ a page like this or even DISCUSS it. As a matter of fact, if she even saw me reading it we would have a fight over it. I'm just getting so tired of living a fake like. Not being the real me.
Okay, I just had to get that out of my system. I'm sure I'll have a miserable night. I'll have to deal with her again at 7pm for a few minutes as she's going to a meeting - then again at 9pm when it will REALLY get miserable and I may just end up on the couch tonight.
I'm definately not going to be initiating ANY TIME SOON - she has definately killed my libido. Which brings up another point. If she had come up to me and given me a hug and said "I really miss spending time with you... let's do something" I would have dropped anything I was doing and she knows this. Instead, I'm getting an angry person jumping down my throat - this is totally illogical and is NOT going to get her what she wants. If she wants me to spend more time with her, how is being mad at me and telling me what a butt I am going to bring that about?
