Quote: Instead of trying to tell him that he's "wrong" for not wanting sex, which is only going to put him on the defensive, I think a better tactic would be to tell him that you are aware that he's happy with the status quo but YOU AREN'T.
I think this is a much better way of thinking. I am guilty of thinking that it's wrong to not want sex or desire sex (or any physical touch for that matter). I guess I don't understand.
GEL:
Quote: .....so his behavior isn't likely to change because he doesn't see that you are serious about the consequences.
You are very right. I have said that I see our marriage ending if things don't improve or that I can't spend the rest of my life in a platonic marriage, but I have never said, if X doesn't improve, I am leaving.
The truth is is that I don't want to leave. I love my "family" and I really love him and want to be with him...there isn't anyone else. I have no desire to go out and have an affair. And the thought of using me leaving as a scare tactic makes me sick to my stomach.
I don't know...part of my problem is that I just don't believe that everything is fine with him. I am so insecure about myself and him not wanting me. I just have this laundry list of things in my head of why he doesn't desire sex. I of course take it personally, never thinking that maybe he doesnt' desire sex with anyone. I always think, if only I was...in better shape, if I was prettier, if I did more around the house, if i made more money in my job. I can't seem to be able to come to terms with maybe, just maybe, he is telling me the truth.
Sorry for rambling..I really aprreciate everyone's advice.
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
