Hanging on/The Long Haul #9

[optimist2004]

My H told her H that I wouldn't be going on any trip.

What the hell!?!? So he DOES expect you to always be there no matter what. In a future post I'd love to read that you just came out and shook your head at him and said "you know about this," and walked away. If I were you I'd be just itching to call him on it to his face the next time he plays dumb and walk away before he has time to respond. But, there I go, not DBing again...

I hope you have a GREAT time and come home and talk about it for 3 weeks straight!

[Again!]

WCW
Did you see the new forum?
Per your request

[WCW]

Really? there's a new forum for me? where is it????

The trip - H started asking questions last night, I answered whatever questions he asked, I didn't offer anything extra. He seems bugged about the whole deal. When did this get planned? who's all going? any extra room in the trailer? I did ask his advice and suggestions on driving tips, fuel stops, etc... got plenty of time yet to figure all that out anyway. Just reverting back to who I used to be, counting on me and some friends to have a good trip. I remember a girls only trip to TX many years ago.... just good lifetime memories, and it's about time to create some more, for me.

H has a sore back, muscle spasms and grabs him, could barely straiten out sometimes. I told him he was welcome to sleep in our bed, and if he didn't want me there I would take the couch for few nights. He blushed, but never replied. No change in sleeping arrangements here.

[optimist2004]

THAT-A-GIRL! Maybe you can't be as direct about the M, but it could be a good thing to be direct about all the other things.

[WCW]

Got kinda interupted during the last update, see if I can get my thoughts back..... nope, gone!

Made spaghetti this weekend, commented that it has 0 cholesterol, being I should be paying attention to that. H says yeah, it might be good for your heart but it goes right to your hips. Well, I can't be offended I suppose if he is right. Take it as one of those 'clues' of things that bother him. I'm tall enough, it's just my portions are too generous.

We had a good enough weekend, more conversation and spent time together than I remember in a while, I pursued enough that I expect a retreat from H again. You'd be proud of me Opti! I'm not a good DB'r. Not trying or wanting to be mean or nasty, but I gotta start saying something....a little at a time. Time to go with my gut again.

Another juggling act - Truck insurance is due, I'm changing companies due to mucho increaso in premiums from big wreck and H's speeding ticket in 2005. Insurance agent advised a new company. Usually I just pay it, but I told H when it was changing, when it's due, and tonight I asked for a check for his portion (which is the larger part). He said not tonight, maybe in a couple days. Ok. Also have the farm insurance due this month, more juggling. But, yes! I AM going on my trip! (call me irresponsible, I'll start posting in MLC forum) Honest though, by the time we all get done splitting expenses, and imposing on sis!, it should be pretty economical.

Speaking of tonight, H was here when I got home from work in town. Wow! he was working downstairs on an order that has to get out this week. Right there in almost the middle of the day. Well, almost 4pm, middle of my day. Just makes me wonder where he is all those other days that he's not home until 7pm or 8pm. His issue is to face himself in the mirror.

When you get all you want and you struggle for self,
and the world makes you king for a day,
then go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your mother, your father or wife
whose judgement upon you must pass,
but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.
He's the fellow to please,
never mind all the rest.
For he's with you right to the end,
and you've passed your most difficult test
if the man in the glass is your friend.
You can fool the whole world,
down the highway of years,
and take pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
if you've cheated the man in the glass.

[always_14]

You sound in good spirits and glad that you're still going on the trip...how exciting. I found that gal pal time is really unbeatable....like a recharge.

Keep up the good work!

[amd]

When do you leave?

[WCW]

amd - couple of weeks yet. (geez, which reminds me, I need to order some trailer parts to replace what H trashed last month... sigh, it never ends.)

Yesterday H lost his cell phone, and I got a txt mssge from a girl that hangs out a lot by us with the horses that she found it in a snow bank. That could explain why H was home so early yesterday too. Probably a good thing that he got to it before I did!!! I am positive I would not have been able to resist the temptation....snoop dog would have showed up.

[amd]

Funny how fate intervenes when you need it to, huh?

[WCW]

H was home again when I got home from work today. He was working on store orders downstairs. I walked in by him, he was on his phone, talking about pulling in her driveway and her truck was there, but no one came to the door. I left. I have no clue who he was talking to, I didn't ask, I didn't stick around to hear more. He knew I was there, he came up a few minutes later to say I didn't stick around long enough for him to say hi. A little later he left to meet a lady and deliver the order he's been working on. He didn't ask if I wanted to ride along, but I had a meeting tonight and he maybe remembered that. Don't know, can't answer.

For the most part he seems friendly enough lately, we're not full of tension, but we're not at all close either. I just don't know, and I can't read it all the time. More time? or forge ahead for answers? He's going to do what he's going to do, and me too.

I got a pecan pie today from our vet friend, the guy who called me 'precious' last week. All together now, awwhhhhhh, wasn't that sweet? His birthday was yesterday, and he made me a pie. Nice guy, his W has put up with a lot from him over the years too, or maybe those were all just rumors, I don't know. I do know he's a good vet, and never been anything but good to me and the critters here. Even way before H moved here.

Leaving with this thought -
"Come celebrate with me that everyday something has tried to kill me /
and has failed." --Lucille Clifton