H was home early last night, I asked if he had a meeting or something, he said no. Weird.
I used the 24 hour rule before I came here. Here is last nights R talk - Me: do you know if "people" moved yet? H: not sure Me: do you know where they were moving, wasn't it out of state? H: she moved to OR, he's staying here for the winter Me: does that mean they divorced? H: not sure it means that Me: are you checking into their place to rent for you? H: (shrug shoulders) there aren't many places to rent with a horse and a dog Me: I know silence Me: Is your plan to still move out? H: that's what I said I was going to do a long time ago Me: that's not what I asked, I asked if that was still your plan H: I guess silence Me: when do you want to start dividing stuff up? H: whenever you want end of conversation
I know, don't believe what they say and half of what you hear, or whatever. What was odd is that he maintained eye contact with me during this conversation. We were watching each other, like seeing if someone was bluffing. I'll have to ask at some point if he thinks there is anything that can be done to make this work, but I'm fairly sure of that answer. This has always been our history, our problem, our pattern. Conversation ends, unresolved issues, built up frustration, new day starts, bad memories carry over and get added to the pile. No fights, just a big pile of crapola that never turns to compost and blows away or gets used to fertilize the ground and make something good grow.
I don't know all how I feel, probably still some shock that keeps me numb, probably some relief that I have a direction to focus, a lot of pain and hurt that will still be surfacing.
Tonight H was here when I got home from work in town. But he had plans to go with friend to event practice tonight. No surprise that he doesn't work half the night when he has a plan with someone else. A little tense when I first walked in, but we said hi to each other, then he asked about an email I sent him resigning from a committee of an organization that he is in charge of. This is the same event last October that I poured myself into half of last summer and early fall. I resigned from the portion that has just gotten rolling for this Octobers event, we had the first meeting last week. The portion that I've already got in progress I will continue to do, unless someone else volunteers for the time consuming job. After that was over he went outside to get things ready to leave for the night. Friend showed up, and H came back in to talk about friend, we chuckled about some stuff, and he said bye. I said be careful, they have winter advisories out for freezing rain and snow on top of it.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
But he had plans to go with friend to event practice tonight. No surprise that he doesn't work half the night when he has a plan with someone else. A little tense when I first walked in, but we said hi to each other, then he asked about an email I sent him resigning from a committee of an organization that he is in charge of. This is the same event last October that I poured myself into half of last summer and early fall. I resigned from the portion that has just gotten rolling for this Octobers event, we had the first meeting last week. The portion that I've already got in progress I will continue to do, unless someone else volunteers for the time consuming job. After that was over he went outside to get things ready to leave for the night. Friend showed up, and H came back in to talk about friend, we chuckled about some stuff, and he said bye. I said be careful, they have winter advisories out for freezing rain and snow on top of it.
