Don't mention or ask about the future if you're looking for more tender moments from H. Just don't do it. Please! It's just reinforcing his assenine thinking that as soon as he gives you an inch you take a mile.
Never mind that he is giving you SQUAT. But, for your own sake, don't ask him about the future unless you're really prepared to tell him to sh!t or get off the pot at this point. If you're doing it because your insides ache to be held-I think you are going to get hurt again.
I'm still not the hard core DBer that's telling you to keep a lid on your needs indefinately...or until you are positive he's not going to run away again. Just think about the reaction you are likely going to get from an e-card that mentions the future and how you are going to react to that reaction. Then act based on that. If you are just so numbed to it all that you couldn't really care which way the wind blows, then I guess it doesn't matter what you write or if you send it at all. But, if you are feeling small and vulnerable right now, ask yourself if you can handle Mr. Cold as a Tree in a Wisconsin Winter in response.
My horoscope today: True, virtue is its own reward -- but have you been gritting your teeth and being virtuous even when you know for a fact that it's your sweetie's turn to step up to the plate? Say something, for goodness' sake!
Opti - I am not expecting tender moments from H. True, I do ache inside to be held, I also ache because I know it isn't going to happen. Pretty much how I figure it is I can leave him alone and we'll bumble along for a while yet, I can say sh!t or get off the pot and he'll be gone, I can turn up the physical touch and express some feelings and he'll be gone. Is this just a phase I am going thru? can I really handle the results of whichever way the wind blows? More and more I am thinking I can. And is it such a bad idea for him to know that?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Quote: can I really handle the results of whichever way the wind blows? More and more I am thinking I can.
It's great to hear this!!! I know it is a very gradual thing (I never got there myself-but moved in that direction). I know you would still be devastated if it ended tomorrow. But, I am so glad you are getting closer to this. Whatever happens with your H, you will be better off closer to this point than farther from it.
Quote: And is it such a bad idea for him to know that?
Nope. Not in my mind. But, of course, HOW he figures it out is all important.
Thanks again, opti. It's encouraging to know I am not totally nuts for feeling like that. That I'll be more and more okay however the wind blows. That still doesn't mean I'm throwing it all up in the wind to blow away, just that maybe I won't be in a frantic scramble to try and capture all the pieces and put them back in a safe place. Like trying to rake leaves in a pile on a windy day.
Funny story about last night. After being outside the majority of the day (about 20 degrees outside) I was getting pretty chilly when I got in last night. We had soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for 'dinner', my mom did that a lot on Sunday nights. After cleaning up the dishes I snuggled in at the computer, and H did the same with his laptop. At one point I wanted to 'slip into something more comfortable', so I slipped my arms out of the sleeves of my sweatshirt, and took an undergarment off, and slipped my shirt back on, nothing exposed, but THAT got H's attention! He asked just what was I looking at on the computer screen!! I said come and find out, but he didn't. Maybe it's mystery, but I usually have numerous windows and documents open, work on something or look at one while another one is loading with the slow dial up. So I am constantly clicking back and forth between screens and windows. I wonder if he's wondering........
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My hat is off to you for being able to keep it PG rated. I sure would have been tempted to say something like "I show you mine if you show me yours". But as you can guess my biggest struggle has been trying to stay non-pursue. I also am not sure about tomorrow. Saturday night I threw out some "feelers" about what she might want to do Tuesday, she played dense, but I kept it kind of broad. We'll see what transpires.
Thanks shocked. Phoenix, after my last fiasco months ago to engage in a higher level than G rated, it's easy to remember how much that stings and refrain from something more.
Yesterday was a rough day for me, I kinda let my emotions get battered about. First thing when I got to work was a report from a guy that I helped find a romantic hotel room for him and his wife, and he told me about the room they selected…… bah humbug. Oh wait, that’s a different holiday. I got a few flowers for my desk, and comments are I must’ve been very good to get flowers from H. Well, um, no, not a chance he’d send me flowers. I blew that years ago and he’s never let me forget it, and in his words - will never send flowers again. I emailed with my ‘best friend’ thru out the day, and while that is normally a great source of comfort and support, yesterday was an off day. H stopped home for a few minutes to pick up his ski stuff, he was pretty gruff and never really said hi, and when he left I was walking across the yard and he got in his truck, rolled down the window and hollered see ya later. I waved. I was in bed when he got home, his arrivals home from skiing have never gone well, so I changed it this time and went to bed. He came in and talked to me. That's a first for this season.
Horse therapy helped a little bit. Just a mindless ride on my favorite horse. Finally, something that didn’t mind being with me! And the dogs of course, unconditional love from the dogs.
My good news from yesterday is the monthly electric bill is going down again. Yeah! That means that since H got hurt and I changed things around, the monthly bill has dropped an average of $100 per month. Good electricity management, pat ME on the back!!
Today is Valentines Day. I’m dealing with it. I got H some of his favorite flavored coffee and wrote on the container Happy Valentines Day with a smiley face. No card, no ecard, nothing else. He would expect and be ready to reject anything more from me, so I didn’t set myself up for it. We didn’t see each other this morning, he was in the shower when I left, I called out and said I was headed out, he said ok, I said Happy Valentines, he said what? I said Happy Valentines. No response. I got to work and at least my boss walked by with a cheery Happy Valentines Day, I wished him back. And while I’ve been typing, I got a text mssge from H – thanks for the coffee, happy v day. Total surprise!
For me, back to basics. Find and stick with what makes me happy. Today I will put on my happy face while I take my Mom to a womens only lunch, go to a Vendor Day at a supply store, and a meeting tonight. And it won’t be THAT hard to do, to put on my happy face. After all, I DO look good today!!!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
You sound confident, and optimistic, and why shouldn't you be. You have been through a lot, and yet still able to put on a good face! You sound like a self-reliant, strong woman, and I admire that.
To me, Valentine's Day is just a made-up celebration, and I don't go in for it in a big way - you either have romance in your life or not. One day out of the year isn't going to make a huge amount of difference - to me, anyway. We're just taking our D13 (the last kid at home) out to dinner. Although, I did give H a card and box of chocolates which he seemed to appreciate. I do understand, however, that it can sting when one sees the romance in other couples and it just heightens one's own lack thereof. My consolation is that my H has never really been romantic - barely, on our wedding day.
Enjoy what's left of V day!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Total surprise!
