I hope you don't feel like anything I said was harsh. No, harsh isn't the word. I just didn't agree with all that you wrote. I hope that this reply isn't received as harsh.

clearly you feel you have a better home for them It's not a matter of comparison. This is the only home they've ever known. If they had their druthers, they druther mom come home and we all live together, but since mom won't do that, they're obligated to go there.

one of the consequences of WAW leaving the M is for her R with her daughters to suffer I think that it is a natural course of events when a parent leaves the family to nurture their love for someone outside the family, i.e. the "absentee father". It's not like I kicked W out, she chose this life, I did not.

I feel like my relationship w/DD's has suffered. I don't get to eat with them 2 nights a week and every other weekend. This is going to sound very selfish and self-centered, but it seems like there is an inordinate amount of chatter about preserving and nurturing the relationship b/w the WAS and the children, but very little empathy and focus on the LBS, and how they have to juggle their own feelings about WAS, less time w/their children, and their children's feelings about WAS. I hope that didn't sound too petty.

Since Oct 2004, she has chosen to be a part-time Mom. Do you think she's neglected the girls or are you saying that because her decision to cheat and destroy the family was not in the best interest of her daughters? She's chosen to spend half her time w/OM. She's partially rejected DD's causing them emotional pain. Not physical neglect or emotional abuse, but by putting her own happiness ahead of DD's and expecting them to just accept it, I would categorize it as "partial emotional abandonment".

But in my heart, in my heart, I knew I didn't have any more right to these human beings than my H does. Heather, I'm not living in your home and only know what goes on from what I read. Quite possibly your postings take on the function of venting so maybe H isn't quite as bad as I think he is, but if he was half-in-the-bag a few nights a week and if you weren't around to make sure S5 was getting to bed before the late show was over, and from the way H teaches S5 to disrespect you, I would guess that he wasn't acting like the parent S5 & D3 need him to be and so in their best interest, I'd think that they would grow up to be better people by being with the better adjusted parent, i.e. you.

I guess I feel like I know the position you are in because when I was contemplating D, when I had H served, I had to do some really serious thinking about custody. Heather, I really do appreciate your empathy. I have very strong opinions about infidelity and how it influences our children. The truth is very important to me. My promise is very important. For two people to tell their kids, "Mommy and Daddy just don't love each other anymore and so you just have to accept it" is a failure to keep their promise not only to each other, but to their children. Its a cop-out.

In your situation, you may feel differently and you're certainly entitled to feel differently. This is the way I look at it. WAW said that she doesn't love me anymore. I'm a good dad, but our family is over, etc. OK, I accept that. You don't love me, you want to live next door to OM, go ahead, bye. You don't want to be a part of our family OK, don't, but I do and the girls do. We'll do fine w/o you, have a good life w/OM!

Open the vent, here it comes. . .

WAW didn't even try, she just walked. Yeah, I'm still hurt. Yeah, I still think this whole thing is wrong. I'm workin' my @$$ off trying to lead DD's by example. Trying to be loving and kind and gentle to the woman I love each time she kicks me in the gut. Understanding that she doesn't appreciate the a mess she's created. Understanding that right now she may not be capable of appreciating it. And understanding that right now she may not be "able to handle the truth". And, yes, it's got to be done. But somedays I'm still sitting here missing her all the time and DD's half the time and not wanting that to increase anymore.

You are my friend Heather. I know nothing about you other than what you posted here and the fact that you kissed a man a few times and now regret it and are workin' you @$$ off to make your R/M better gives hope to me that someday, if I love my W "right" now, we may be writing to each other from the "Piecing" board.