OK, MrMom, Scott and others with self-esteem problems ... I'll start with the preamble given to me by my coach. We can then get into self-affirmation activities and the 10 talking points. Sound good? A lot of this sounds really hokey (think Stuart Smalley on SNL), but it works.
----------------------------------------- In general, the things you do to improve your self esteem will also improve your relationships with others. In turn, improved relationships with others will improve your self esteem. The trick is to get into this positive cycle and out of the negative cycle (the opposite of the above).
Some of the self-help methods we will discuss here take more time than others to learn and to get good at. It is necessary to keep these ideas in mind long enough that they become habits, and then it is important to go back and remind yourself from time to time, so that the habits don't fade. The habits needed to build self-esteem require steady practice over a long period of time. Fortunately, you do not have to have all of these things before you can feel better. In most cases, the quicker methods will help a great deal, and this will in turn help with the things that take longer.
The place to start is with how you think about yourself. To help that along, you can practice "affirmations," positive statements about yourself. Even though this idea seems pretty simple and is easy to make fun of, the fact is, research shows it works. When you have negative thoughts about yourself that are not useful to you, it is good to replace them with affirmations. What you are doing here is training your mind to accept positive thoughts about yourself without backing away from them. Affirmations need to be TRUE and relatively SIMPLE in order to work. For example, if you think you are a kind person, an affirmation would be "I am a kind person." On the other hand, if you have been unkind but now are working on that, an affirmation would be "I'm learning to be a kinder person." --------------------------------------
To start with, list 5 negative thoughts about yourself. Think about how you could reword them to turn them into 5 positive thoughts. Then write down 5 things you know are positive about yourself. Turn all of these into affirmations. Affirmations begin with "I" and always use the present tense. Practice saying each of these statements clearly to yourself each morning and one other time during the day. Keep your mind focused on what you are doing, don't just say them from memory, or recite them in a "monotone voice." Feel free to change some or all of the affirmations as time goes by and you feel you need it.
If you want, I can list my affirmations here and anyone else can do the same. Don't feel like you have to though, or that you have to list all of them. Some of them can be intensely personal. But if you want to list them to get feedback (i.e. not positive enough, try rewording it this way, etc.) feel free. Good luck!
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
