It is a really difficult situation, I did this same thing myself. What I explained to my H...in exactly these terms is that HE was putting me in a catch-22, of course I explained this in our MC office....so she could make sure things weren't misunderstood. I explained to him that if I brought things up, or was "touchy-feely" he felt pressured...and he'd back away from me = I don't get what I need. But on the other hand....if I backed off, didn't bring things up, and conciously backed off of being so touchy feely then he also...didn't come to me = I didn't get what I need. I told him "I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't....at this point, with you....there is no way I am going to get what I need because YOU have made up your mind you WON'T do it for whatever reason." Now, this was in my sitch...what I told him was the absolute truth.
Throughout our MC sessions we did come to realize, and he did come to understand...he was withholding from me, intentionally or unintentionally....he had made up his mind he wasn't going to do what I wanted. So at that point, nothing I was going to do would have worked.
Scott & Mr.Mom....my best advice to you two if you are stuck in this situation is to flat-out state your case with your W. Tell her that she's putting you in an impossible situation where it's her way or no way....and that is not fair. It's not fair for her to have her needs met, but not to consider yours. Sometimes you really do have to spell things out and vividly point out the situation to someone to get them to see it.
Also, our self esteems do have a tendancy to take a nose-dive in these situations....that's only natural. What I'm trying to find out with Mr.Mom though is....has his self-esteem been an issue for a long time? Was it an issue prior to her or is this something fairly new?
See...it's not exactly fair, but women do view a lack of confidence in men as a turnoff. Men who have confidence, act confidently, act self-assured...are often much more attractive to females. They don't have to be the best looking guy in the room either, they can be very average...or even less than average looking, but the confidence comes through....and that acts like honey to a bee.
Someone who appears to be lacking in self confidence, or who might have low self esteem....often appears needy, and unfortunately...that can work in the opposite fashion. So, if you suffer from low self-esteem doing things for yourself often helps build it up. Do things you enjoy, do what's called GAL (Get A Life). Invite her to do things with you that you enjoy, but if she won't....do them anyway, without her. Start something new, start working out...but do some things for YOU that make you feel good. It truly does help.
